The language of love can cause many problems. How to deal with it? We are publishing a fragment of Bożena Stasiak’s book “Intimate letters”, recommended by sexologist prof. Zbigniew Lew-Starowicz.
I don’t know if it’s too late
I am writing this letter asking for advice, though I don’t know if it is too late. We have been together for five years. Sex is great, but we’ve only recently realized that we can’t talk about sex at all. We can’t name our organs, and sometimes the situation calls for it.
He, unlike me, is doing better somehow. For example, she says your pussy is so swollen or she asks, “Should I put your cock deep in your cock right now?” But when she asks, “Where do you want to be kissed?” I say “there.” Because nothing else would pass my throat. And this prick is teasing me. Would we be able to break through after five years? And how is it that people are able to talk openly about sex, about positions, techniques, and they cannot name the organs with which they do it? (Iwona, 29 years old)
The poor language of love
It is true that in moments of excitement, our excitement can take our speech, but most often we lose it because we cannot find the right words. Whenever we do, we use medical terminology (which is incomprehensible to most of us) or profanity. Both terminology can kill intimacy.
Women indeed have a greater problem with using erotic vocabulary and naming their organs and their partner’s. Men are more inventive, although their fantasy in this regard is more about their own, rather than their partner, equipment.
Penises are given various terms (My Hero, My Best Friend, Highwayman, Dictator), often also names. The old joke says that it’s because they don’t want someone they don’t know to rule them … The penis is like a separate, independent existence for a man, that’s probably where Wacek and Bill came from (quick, of course). Even those less endowed by nature have their Highwayman, One-Eyed Jack, Python, Serpent, their Business, their Weapons, while women limit themselves to the Shell or the Peach.
The ars amandi masters
The old masters of ars amandi had extremely varied names. The Chinese, for example, divided the female vagina into eight parts and called each one differently. So first there was a zither string, then the teeth of the water nut, then the safe valley, and finally the north end. It is never too late to introduce exciting new terms into the language of love. Ideally, it should be an individual language you have created. Although, if you say to your partner, “Honey, let your jade stalk finally slip into my palace and we make a joyful fusion,” he might be surprised to see his jaw drop, but having fun sex can also be exciting.
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