Self-talk is an important way of self-discovery and self-motivation. Internal dialogues can be of great benefit to us if we know how to conduct them correctly. What is better to say to yourself, and what should you refuse?
We all talk to ourselves at some point. Strain your imagination and you will hear a muffled chorus of whisperers praising or scourging themselves. There is an opinion that thinking as such is a form of self-talk, says columnist Sarah Sloat. In short, we get to know ourselves the same way we get to know other people—through dialogue.
Psychologist James Hardy defines self-talk as follows: “Dialogue through which a person interprets his feelings and ideas, regulates and changes value judgments and beliefs, gives instructions to himself and encourages himself.”
Some psychologists believe that our “I” consists of two parts: one of them controls our mind and perception, and the other simply acts.
Self-talk can be a bridge between these two parts.
These conversations can be extremely helpful or harmful, depending on how you approach it. Everyone has these conversations in their own way, but here are three tricks that can turn them into a useful exercise.
You, not me
It matters whether you refer to yourself as “you” or as “I”. It is better to refer to yourself using the pronoun not of the first, but of the second person, that is, to call yourself “you” and, moreover, by name. By changing how we refer to ourselves in this way, we can better regulate our behavior, thoughts, and feelings.
Saying “you” to ourselves or calling ourselves by name, we create the necessary psychological distance that allows us to talk about what is happening to us, as if a little from the outside. It can also reduce stress in people with social phobia and help you calm down when you’re thinking about things after the fact.
Be gentle with yourself
Dialogue with oneself creates space for reflection, but it is not always to our advantage. The best option is to cheer yourself up. Trying to motivate yourself, for example, has been proven to help athletes maintain their energy levels and improve endurance.
Positive self-talk improves mood and emotionally supports us.
Conversely, talking to yourself in a critical way has been shown to lower self-esteem and increase the likelihood of repeating the same conversations in the future. Psychologists say that a person is able to choose how to think, and this largely depends on how we talk to ourselves. Therefore, it is important for your well-being that you at least talk kindly to yourself.
Use in emergency situations
The inner voice helps us control our impulsive behavior. For example, when we say to ourselves: “Just go and do it!” or “Don’t even look at that piece of cake!”
Participants in the experiment were asked to press a button if they saw a certain symbol. At the same time, they had to repeat the same word all the time, which made internal dialogue impossible. In this case, they behaved much more impulsively and less controlled than in the other part of the experiment, where nothing prevented their inner voice from sounding.
Inner dialogue helps us when we are learning something new.
The key to success here is to keep our statements short, clear, and consistent. Psychologist Antonis Hatzigeorgiadis, who studies this issue, explains: “By talking to yourself, you stimulate and direct your actions, and then evaluate the results.”
But perhaps most valuable, self-talk builds the self-control and motivation needed to succeed. If we tell ourselves that we can be successful, the chances of success are greatly increased.