How to talk to kids about drugs and alcohol

It seems that today’s teenagers simply do not have a chance to avoid drugs: the Internet is full of information, and it has become very easy to acquire a prohibited substance. Teenagers will definitely be offered something, perhaps quite early. Surely someone will take drugs with them.

Under these conditions, the only realistically achievable goal of talking with them, according to psychotherapist Ekaterina Sigitova, is not to save or protect them from meeting with substances (this is beyond our power), but to make sure that:

• they knew enough by this point to make an informed choice based on their interests;
• random experiments did not lead to addiction or serious health problems through ignorance;
• at the slightest sign of any problems, they would immediately seek help (including you, the parents), would know how to do it, and would not be afraid.

In the book “How would I explain to you …” Ekaterina Sigitova recalls the following rules of dialogue:

• Avoid a lot of buzzwords and didactic tone. Recognize that you are not an expert when it comes to drugs.
• Be as honest as you can. If you drink occasionally, do not pretend to be impeccably sober. If there were addicts in the family, tell them. If you happened to play tricks with substances in your youth, it is advisable to reveal this secret too, in an accessible form, of course. It is not a lie that will help children, but on the contrary, a living example of how a person can come to a calm, problem-free life, having gone through all the difficulties at the beginning.
• Resolve all questions. In this topic, trust between you and the child’s lack of need to protect you or protect himself from your anger is critical. Let him ask awkward and strange questions, let him joke about the unfunny. But he will not look for answers on the Internet and among peers.

When to speak?

It is necessary to speak as early as possible, Ekaterina Sigitova is convinced. Even younger preschoolers can act out analogues of unsafe behavior with (household) substances. Therefore, they need to slowly explain the important, given, of course, age. It is not necessary to tell very young children about heroin, alcoholics and other things — it is too difficult for them.

Younger preschoolers (up to 5 years old). They need very simple and specific explanations, preferably with examples. They are able to understand what safe and dangerous substances are, and also that in some cases we ourselves take medicines, vitamins, but we need to do this only according to instructions or on the advice of a doctor.

Most likely, younger preschoolers know how cigarette smoke and alcohol smell. It is important to explain that young children should not even taste alcohol, because they will feel very bad even from a small amount of it.

Senior preschoolers (5–7 years old). The explanations should still be simple, but you can get a little more complicated. For example, to introduce the concept of a drug as a substance from which pleasant sensations arise in the body and head, and therefore many people begin to take it too much, which is why they have various problems.

Tell in general terms about what exactly nicotine, alcohol, and drugs do to the human body. You can read “Emil from Lenneberga” by Astrid Lindgren together — the part where Emil ate “drunk” cherries.

Junior schoolchildren (8–12 years old). Optimal age for most explanations. You can talk about the reasons for the use and the mechanism of addiction formation, about the groups of narcotic substances, in general terms — about the use of the same or similar substances in medicine, in sports and in science.

It is already possible to describe in more detail the consequences for the body and life: the risk of sliding down the social ladder, personality changes. It can also be said that the use of alcohol by children and the use and sale of almost all drugs by adults are illegal in most parts of the world.

Adolescents (13-16 years old). As a rule, at this age they will already have their own sources of knowledge about drugs and other substances and will no longer have a great desire to talk about it with you, the parents.

However, something can be done. Peer-to-peer discussions work well, that is, discussions and arguments involving sources, as well as the joint formulation of safety rules (for example, why it is important not to get into a car if the driver has drunk).

Togetherness and equality are very important because teenagers need to slowly assert their place in the adult world, while they are already smart enough to bring something of value to the discussion.

Reason to start a conversation

Meeting with a drunk person on the street. The situation when you have to inhale cigarette smoke. Rolling syringes. A character in movies, comics, or cartoons who uses drugs or drinks.

The situation when there is alcohol on the table at home, at a party or in a cafe and people drink it. Strange behavior of a drunk relative or acquaintance. Alas, you will not lack in situations.

How to talk about the mechanism of addiction formation

It is important to note the following. The pleasant sensations that appear after using the drug do not last very long (a few hours at most), and after that it is often bad, worse than it was. Our brain perceives pleasant sensations as a reward. If we have found something that gives this reward to the brain, we want to get this something again. Especially if we have very little pleasant in life.

But when there are too many rewards (as in the case of drugs), we lose the ability to feel joy as we used to. And then the drug becomes very important, because it remains the only way to quickly get a reward. Over time, the body ceases to have enough of the same amount of narcotic substance, pleasant sensations become weaker. To get satisfaction again, you need to take more of the substance, and then more and more. Certain drugs and alcohol, if taken in excess, can lead to death.

Myths about drugs and addiction

The topic of drugs, alcohol and smoking is surrounded by myths and rumors much more than any other. Ekaterina Sigitova suggests that you definitely discuss them with your children. Here are 6 claims worth refuting.

1. You can stop drinking or taking drugs at any time, you just have to want to. The truth is that if addicted people really could stop drinking, smoking or taking drugs at any time, they would have done so long ago. But, as a rule, they cannot do this, because they are already very used to it and because the substance they are dependent on has changed the way their brain works, including willpower and the ability to enjoy. Usually, in order to stop taking drugs, not only the desire is required, but also the serious efforts of the addicted person, his relatives and doctors.
2. Drug addiction and alcoholism are the result of a weak will or low moral qualities of a person. Drugs and alcohol really change the brain and psyche of a person so that he becomes weak-willed and sometimes breaks the law and commits unseemly acts. But this is not a cause, but a consequence of addiction. The main reasons are an unhappy life, depression, and the lack of other ways to enjoy or feel relieved.
3. All people who use drugs are drug addicts, and all who drink alcohol are alcoholics. Many people try drugs once or twice in their lives. Some take drugs very infrequently without becoming addicted. Many people drink a little alcohol at parties, weddings, meetings and negotiations and do not become alcoholics. In order to become a drug addict or an alcoholic, many conditions are needed (lack of other ways of obtaining pleasure and solace, a certain type of personality, depression).
4. Alcoholics and drug addicts are immediately visible. Not really. You can immediately see only those who have already lost control of the situation and do not care about anything but a drink or the next dose of the drug. As a rule, such people are untidy, poorly dressed, smell bad, can behave strangely and aggressively, and in general do not look very healthy. But some drug addicts and alcoholics can be completely ordinary in appearance, they can not be distinguished from others.
5. One time, nothing will happen. Alas, this is never known in advance. Probably, for most people, one use of drugs or alcohol will not be enough to become addicted. But some may «get hooked» the first time, and there is no way to know in advance which group you belong to. And then there are people for whom even a small amount of the drug will immediately cause serious health problems (for example, some die from an overdose during the first test). Therefore, it is better, of course, not to try any serious substances at all, even alcohol, until you become quite an adult (that is, until you are 18-20 years old).
6. Only «hard» drugs are dangerous. There are no safe drugs, and there are no safe substances, in principle, either. It all depends on the dose, that is, on the amount of the substance. The same drugs in small quantities can be a cure, and in large quantities they can harm. Absolutely all drugs, alcohol, nicotine and many other substances are dangerous. Maybe their negative effect is not immediately visible, but it is there. In terms of the amount of negative effects, some of the «non-heavy» substances, for example, alcohol, are more dangerous than some «hard» drugs.

How to teach a child to refuse if offered

As a rule, most children and teenagers try drugs for the first time, succumbing to the persuasion of other teenagers from their group. Ekaterina Sigitova invites parents to say something like this: “Even if you are firmly convinced that you do not want to drink alcohol or take drugs, sometimes it is difficult to refuse. Especially if, for example, your friend, or girlfriend, or the one you like, or someone from the company you want to get into, offers to do this. Those who offer can even psychologically put pressure on you or take on weakly so that you agree. Why do they do it?

• They want to do something bad, but they are afraid of being alone, so they persuade you to feel less guilty;
• They want to show their power over you and other people — they are pleased to force someone to do what he does not want;
• They want to share the punishment or consequences of taking a drug or alcohol with you, so they need to persuade you to do it together;
• They want to have sex with you when, after alcohol or drugs, you will think badly and will not be able to say “no”;
• They want to get a reason to influence you — if you take a drug or drink alcohol, it will be possible to threaten that they will tell their parents or teachers about it, and it will be possible to manipulate you;
• They are planning a crime or something that sober people cannot be persuaded to do, so you need to cloud your brains first;
• You are the only one in the company who does not drink, does not smoke, does not take drugs, others from this have a sense of danger, and they are worried about what you will tell adults. Unfortunately, in all these cases, those who offer the drug, alcohol, cigarette or any other substance do not care about you and do not have any good feelings for you. Even if it seems to you that this is not so, most often they think only of themselves. It’s very simple: if you were important to them, they would listen to what you want and what you don’t want, and would not persuade. It’s unfortunate that people can be like this.

How to say no to friends?

If you want to give up alcohol or drugs, but don’t know how to do it so that you don’t quarrel with anyone, don’t look like a fool or coward, and don’t feel shame, here’s what you can say (your choice, not all at once):

• I already have, this is enough for me for now;
• I have already taken today, I will not mix;
• I do not accept any of this, I am interested in other things;
• today is not my day, so I will skip it;
• I read that this often causes convulsions (migraine, asthma attack, heart problems, etc.), I’d better find something else for myself;
• my parents will immediately determine what I took, give me a nightmarish scandal and forbid me to come here;
• tomorrow I have a test (audition, exam, etc.), I need a fresh head, otherwise I won’t pass it;
• my coach does drug tests, and if the test is positive, I’m done;
• I don’t have time right now because I’m meeting a friend in half an hour;
• a coward and a weakling is one who agrees to everything, and one who can refuse is strong;
• I respect you, but I don’t have to prove it with anything, if you don’t believe me, these are not my problems;

Sometimes all these arguments do not work and they continue to put pressure on you to drink or take something. In this case, the best thing to do is to leave, pretending that someone called you or there was an urgent matter, or just quietly and quietly leave the company.