They catch the disturbing intonations of news releases, they are frightened by the confusion of their parents. Children are easily infected by our anxiety, not having a clear idea of what caused it. How to explain to them what is happening in the world and the country in order to reassure them if possible?
Eight-year-old Masha suddenly asks her father: “Will you also be fired from your job?” He brushes it off: «Don’t talk nonsense!», but the girl does not like this answer. What to say to her? How detailed is it worth explaining to children what the global economic crisis provoked by the pandemic is and how it affects our lives?
According to psychologist Julia Gippenreiter, it would be a mistake to pretend that nothing is happening. When tension and reticence hang in the air, it worries the child. Judging by the letters in Psychologies, children aged 6-12 are especially worried. Ten-year-old Kirill shares his experiences with a psychologist: “The situation at home is bad, dad is upset all the time, he says that now we have no money.”
But children are concerned not so much with the causes as with the consequences of ongoing events, real or imagined. Our insecurities take them by surprise, destroying the children’s vision of an adult stable world. Julia Gippenreiter highlights several points that are important to keep in mind when answering a child’s questions about the crisis and its possible consequences.
1. Agree among themselves. Adults, Yulia Gippenreiter warns, first of all need to decide for themselves. Discuss what worries, develop a strategy that will help the family cope with difficulties, emotionally support each other. Plan out expenses, think about what the children will do during the holidays … Such clarity will help to speak calmly and convincingly with children.
2. Stay open. This does not mean that children need to be told in detail everything that happens at our work, or how family plans change. Suffice it to say: hard times have come, our incomes are decreasing, but we will find a way out.
“If the child continues to ask questions, answer calmly, confidently, trying to choose the exact words,” the psychologist advises. One of the goals is that the child does not feel guilty, because children tend to consider themselves responsible for our problems and our mood: “Mom is upset again — probably because I am behaving badly …”
But first of all, it is important to cope with your anxieties: the child is traumatized not so much by what is happening as by our experiences.
Children worry more if we hide something, try to downplay the seriousness of what worries them. The child sees that the parents have become irritable, speak in raised tones and become silent when he enters the room. He cannot be reassured by the explanation that «Dad is just in a bad mood today.» The child feels that something is happening, and it is necessary to speak frankly with him.
But first of all, it is important to cope with your anxieties yourself: the child is traumatized not so much by what is happening as by our (even hidden) experiences.
3. Be attentive to children’s reactions and fears. Try to actively listen to the child, recalls Julia Gippenreiter. If he is scared, confused, asks confusing questions, the first thing to do is to make it clear that you know about his experiences, hear him.
Panic intonations of TV news, conflicting stories of classmates must be balanced with realistic statements: “Yes, our plans can really change, but this is not a disaster. And it is easier for us than for many other people, because…” It is important that children realize that the crisis does not put an end to their future or the future of their families.
4. Discuss together what happens in the daily life of the family. Perhaps the crisis had a significant impact on your life, or maybe it simply reduced the purchasing power of the family. It is important to tell children about the specific changes that will have to happen in their lives, the psychologist emphasizes.
For example, you will have to cancel a trip to the camp, reduce the amount of pocket money, limit purchases. When talking about these changes, do not forget to add: “we will manage”, “we will find a solution”, “we will succeed”.
The world, like the life of an individual, is made up of many different crises, from which changes are always born.
Pay attention to the child that there is a person in the family who is now more difficult than others (for example, a grandmother), and discuss how you could help him together. When adults actively resist adversity, children feel more confident, because next to them there is someone they can rely on.
5. Raising a child is also introducing him to the world in which he lives. The idea that in the past people experienced much more dramatic moments, but still managed to resist and found new opportunities for themselves, calms children, makes them feel more secure. Now is the right time to open new horizons for your son or daughter, to awaken their curiosity.
Say that the world, like the life of an individual, is made up of many different crises, from which changes are always born, advises Julia Gippenreiter. Turn to history — this is the best way to show the relativity of the scale of what is happening: in the XNUMXth century, the world experienced revolutions, two world wars, famine, the Great Depression … This way you expand the scope of understanding and at the same time teach your child to compare different events in your life.
The philosopher Marcus Aurelius in the XNUMXnd century said: “I am happy because I do not indulge in sadness, I am not broken by the present, I do not tremble before the future. Remember that the ability to endure adversity with dignity is happiness. Julia Gippenreiter believes that our children may well understand this idea.