Contents
Life today is hard to imagine without technology. Day after day we learn something new. Sometimes it’s hard, but more often we like it – online payments, online shopping, video chatting – all this makes the daily routine easier. But when it comes to kids surfing the internet for hours, we worry if the internet is taking away their childhood.
Our children were born and grow up in this reality. They are a fundamentally new generation that cannot imagine life without the Internet. This worries parents: in our childhood, everything was different, the problem of Internet addiction simply did not exist and we do not know how to respond correctly.
A lot of questions arise: how much time can a child spend at the monitor, and when does this become a serious problem? What are the consequences of computer addiction? How to distract a child from virtual reality? Of course, parents’ concerns are not unfounded.
“Parental fear has objective reasons,” says social psychologist Elena Belinskaya. “We are afraid of specific things, such as pedophilia or drawing a child into the porn business.”
“The cause of suicides is not the Internet, but the internal conflicts of the child”
The consequences of immersion in virtual reality: gambling, lack of physical activity, cyberbullying – online bullying – are real threats to our children. All this is so. But the problems we are talking about are consequences, but what is the cause? Why do children choose the world on the other side of the monitor? In order to help your child cope with Internet addiction, you need to figure out where it came from.
Why are they so attracted to the virtual world?
In this, children are not much different from adults – we run away and hide when we are bored, bad, sad. The computer is such an escape. If a child is not interested in what surrounds him, if he does not have trusting contact with adults, if communication frightens him, the chances of moving to the virtual universe increase.
How is contact lost? We are often too busy, we do not have time for games, we solve serious problems. Fatigue accumulates, and when we come home from work, we dream of only one thing – that no one will touch us. Children with their annoying questions and offers to play only annoy. We brush them aside and offer to do something on our own. And, so as not to be bored, we buy a game console, a computer, a smartphone. With gadgets, we try to replace ourselves with the child.
“Parents lie on the couch in front of TV or with the same smartphone, and they say to the child: “Go read.” It sounds like “Get away from me!” – explains teacher Dima Zitser
“Children show interest in what surrounds them. And if parents actively use gadgets, the child also begins to be interested in them. You can, of course, constantly say “no”, causing stress, or you can introduce him to the devices and use them wisely,” confirms child psychologist Olga Visser.
At first it seems convenient: the child is busy, the parents are resting. But gradually the situation gets out of control: we increasingly stumble upon the closed door of the room, the child no longer reacts to us, contact is lost. Can this be fixed? Certainly! And the sooner you get started, the better.
What should parents do?
Many believe that the problem can be solved by forbidding the child to use gadgets or severely limiting the time spent online. But prohibitions only fuel interest, turn the computer into a forbidden fruit that you want to try. In addition, such a strategy is not promising in time: of course, you can easily restrict an eight-year-old child, but controlling a 17-year-old teenager is no longer so easy.
Tight control has a bad effect on relationships: you turn into a warden, and the child moves away, stops trusting you, or even begins to perceive you as an enemy. A bad relationship is unlikely to help restore contact.
“Strict bans lead to a dead end,” Dima Zitser is sure. – Of course, we have enough strength to force the child not to go to the computer for a while, to beat his hands, to take away his favorite toy. Where does it end? Spoiled relationships, lies, hatred for that very book, and even for parents.
Children are no different from us – we leave one thing for another only if it is very interesting or important
To distract the child from the computer, you need to offer him something more interesting. For example, your attention. True, for this you yourself will have to put aside gadgets and find time for communication. Try it, it’s interesting.
“Children are no different from us,” explains Dima Zitser. We leave one thing for another only if it is very interesting or important. When it doesn’t exist, it needs to be created. The only thing we can offer our children is a school reading list for the summer.”
True, parents often simply do not understand how to entertain a child. What can I offer? In fact, there are tons of things you can do together. Let’s look at a few options to get you started.
1. Household chores
Involve your child in household chores. It may surprise you, but most children love to cook with their parents. And it’s a great way to spend time together. Nothing brings people together like making dumplings together. And while cleaning, you can come up with a few short tales.
2. Role-playing games
Dozens of works have been written about their benefits for young children (3-6 years old). While playing, the child learns to live, tries on different social roles. Daughters-mothers, playing doctor, princess and monster – all this is still relevant.
3. Board games
An interesting activity for the whole family. Adventure, lotto, erudite – the choice of games is now huge. From intelligent and helpful to silly and funny, it all depends on your mood and family preferences. The game helps to melt the ice, to forget about insults, to become closer.
4. Museums, cinemas, theaters, excursions
Choose activities that are of interest to everyone: both you and the children. You will learn something new, get pleasure and a topic for communication.
4. Family rituals aimed at communication
It can be any activity that you regularly do together. A family dinner or afternoon tea where you can talk about your day, share problems or just laugh – it’s only half an hour every day, but they can help your family unite, feel close.
A child never goes into virtual reality just like that. He is driven there by the lack of attention, misunderstanding and discontent on the part of adults. If your son or daughter spends all their free time at the computer, this is an occasion to reconsider your attitude towards them.
If you feel that the problem is serious and your efforts are not enough to cope with it, seek help from a specialist. Internet addiction and gambling are exactly the same disorders as any other and they need to be treated.
Do not go to extremes. There are many things on the web that make our life more interesting and easier: online education, electronic libraries and cinemas, encyclopedias, etc. It is now impossible not to use the Internet at all. Whether it becomes an escapist for your children or a tool that makes life easier is largely up to you.
“The Internet is a temptation to run away to everyone in their own virtual world”
“It is difficult for both parents and children in this rapidly changing world. Until recently, there were no problems with what to do with a child. At the beginning of the twentieth century, peasant children still worked from early childhood, and noble children had nannies and governesses; in times of historical change, it was important for children to survive, and they helped their parents and themselves in this.
In Soviet times, children played on the street or studied, they were more left to themselves, to their courtyard community. And now, in the days of the parent “freed” from compulsory work, he has the complex duty of “entertaining” children or organizing leisure activities, which is not so easy in big cities with their complex logistics.
In many families, traditions and rituals have been destroyed or not formed, which is why the temptation arises to run away to everyone in their own virtual world. The era of the personal Internet, available to each family member, creates this opportunity: to have their own “window” to their virtual world. And, of course, we need some effort in order to gather, unite, communicate, do something joint and interesting with each other and with our children. For some, this is really difficult. but then virtuality will definitely be a great temptation.”