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So we decided to change something. How can we get down to business without delay, without postponing for later? This vital question we asked four specialists. And here are their answers.
dream
Evgeny Osin, existential psychologist
Ask yourself: who am I? Sometimes we find the answer in social roles, sometimes we listen to our needs. But sooner or later the question of self-determination becomes a question of values: what in this world is really important to me? What activities make me feel like my time was not wasted?
The path to the answer lies through dreams. If I could live as I please, how would I like to live? What would I do and why? Finding the answer once and for all is impossible: it changes with us. But if you look for it from time to time, listening to your inner voice, then it turns out that living your own, authentic life is not so difficult: this opportunity is always there.
Negotiate
Grazyna Budinaite, family psychotherapist
If you intend to change your family life, get rid of old responsibilities or try on new ones, keep in mind that an individual volitional decision is not enough for change. The processes that you want to make changes to do not arise overnight and cannot be rebuilt overnight; we control only a fraction of the cohabitation rules, but most of them are spontaneous.
Therefore, first imagine the specific changes you want, and then describe them to your partner. And be prepared to hear counter offers and conditions, remember that it will take a compromise and “taking into account” the other in your plans. Then the desire for change can translate into real life circumstances.
Release the inner child
Svetlana Fedorova, psychoanalyst
Our psyche is designed in such a way that it does not want to change: it tends to repeat the same traumatic events, as if in order to cope with them in the best possible way. But compulsive repetition makes us rigid. To overcome the tendency to conservation will help the inner child, curious, courageous, fearless. What did you think about when you were 5–7–10 years old when you didn’t know the taboos? When was the last time you allowed yourself a rash act, a prank?
Enter into this state of complete freedom and imagine what you want now. If obstacles arise, think about how and who punished you for your willfulness, and try to resist the devaluing parental figure. That is, wake up not only a child in yourself, but also an inner adult who is able to take care of and protect this child.
Reboot your world
Vladimir Baskakov, psychologist, thanatotherapist
There are two ways to live in a new way. The first is to move in a new direction. This is how many crises in relationships are resolved: someone leaves. The second way is to experience yourself in the same place in a new way: what is it like and how are we located there? To do this, you need to expand your attention. Try to hear reality. How is your heart beating? Not everyone hears this. Breathing – the chest expands and the clothes rustle. Is the street only cars or more voices of passers-by?
Usually we hear one thing. But, gradually complicating the task, you can catch a lot more! And be surprised at how full life is. Adults are surprised only by something superfluous, like a plane crash or a pandemic. But if you become more attentive, reality emerges through the veil of our intelligence, our knowledge. And we can reboot, rediscovering the world we live in and ourselves in it.