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For people recovering from eating disorders, the holiday season with an endless series of feasts is not easy. The feeling of shame is mixed with the fear of breaking loose, and all this is seasoned with awkwardness … How can I help myself? Here are some tried and tested tips.
Think about potential triggers and take care of yourself
“It’s important for me to know exactly what time we will sit down at the table and what will be on the menu – it’s usually much calmer this way,” says 35-year-old Lisa, who is recovering from bulimia. “If I have no idea what awaits me, the anxiety intensifies. At the same time, of course, one has to understand that at the last moment something can change, and one must be prepared for this. It helps me that the week before the holidays, I especially carefully monitor that I get enough sleep and eat right. ”
It is also helpful to take care of yourself before going to a party or a party, for example, take a bath, meditate, talk to a friend or a therapist.
Set boundaries and think about what to do if the conversation goes in an undesirable direction
“It’s important to talk to friends and family ahead of time about what conversations you shouldn’t have in your presence and what phrases can aggravate your condition,” said Anna, 26, who recovered from anorexia a year ago. – Even if relatives do not mean anything bad, they, without realizing it, can say something that will unsettle you. I think it’s because of our culture, in which remarks about food and being overweight are considered something in the order of things.
It is impossible to completely exclude a negative turn, so agree in advance with one of your supportive and understanding friends that you can write messages to him or her if it becomes completely unbearable. You can also think over the lines with which you will respond to annoying interlocutors – if, of course, you consider it necessary.
Remember: you are not at all obliged to explain anything to anyone, your body and its physical condition is your business.
“Affirmations help me personally,” Lisa admits. – Now I already remember them by heart, but at first I kept them in my notes on my phone. If it gets really bad, I repeat: “I am loved no matter how I look” or “There is no good or bad food. Food is just food.” It works in a strange way.”
“The more carefully you think through the ‘rescue strategies’, the better. This gives you a chance that your aunt’s sudden comment about how you look, or her telling you about the strict diet that she now adheres to, will not trigger you, ”explains clinical psychologist Stephanie Zervas.
Try to stay in the moment
Even if the series of holidays seems endless, sooner or later they will end and life will return to normal. Try to remind yourself of this more often. And even better – live a normal and ordinary life, even during the New Year holidays. Stephanie Zervas advises to go to bed and get up at the usual time, cook the same food as on weekdays.
You can use holidays to master mindfulness practices. Start with the exercise “5-4-3-2-1”: the meaning of it is that you need to name five things that you see, four that you feel, three that you hear, two that you taste, and one smell.
It’s also helpful to learn reframing (a special technique that allows you to change a person’s point of view to a different one): if you realize that your thoughts are revolving around what you just ate, gently remind yourself that this disorder of yours is trying to ruin such a wonderful day for you. but it’s up to you to resist.
Promise yourself a reward and provide a support system
This advice seems to contradict the previous one, but thinking about the future can really help – especially if there is something pleasant waiting for you there, in the future: a walk with a friend through a festively decorated city, watching your favorite movie, an evening with a good book, ice skating or sledding. .
If possible, arrange with your therapist to call him or her immediately after the meal—or at least send a message about how it went. If this is not possible, at least write down your experiences in a diary.
It’s a good idea to invite loved ones to complement the festive evening itself with a walk in the fresh air, so as not to spend all the time at the table.
Trust and be compassionate to yourself
Remind yourself often that you are doing a great job, that you are doing well and that you have something to be proud of. Listen to your needs and do what makes you feel better.
“If you and your nutritionist have developed a specific meal schedule, there is nothing wrong with snacking on salad at the allotted time, instead of waiting until the late evening when the whole family sits down at the table and starts a hearty and heavy meal,” I’m sure psychologist Rebecca Leslie.
Remember: you are not alone – many people have a hard time on New Year’s Eve, including for the same reason as you. Even if a breakdown occurs, do not scold yourself for it, but try to do everything to help yourself as soon as possible.