Everyone experiences failure in one form or another. Successful and active people also fail, and perhaps even more often, because they regularly try new things. It is extremely important to learn how to survive these difficult moments so that you remain capable of new achievements! Our expert talks about several ways to survive failure.
As a coach, I work mainly with CEOs of large companies, their families or media personalities. All these are successful people — active, focused on victory, profit, recognition, super-result and scale. But, as we know from folk wisdom, the higher you fly, the more painful it is to fall — such people have a lot of risks of failure.
That is why it is so important to respond correctly to defeats and move on. As Churchill said, “Success is the ability to move from one failure to another without losing enthusiasm.” It is important to look at the situation of failure in the perspective of the rest of your life — to accept that this is part of the game.
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Clients come to me at various stages of the fiasco. In some cases, a person does not yet understand that, figuratively speaking, the train is already going to the cliff, although this is obvious to everyone around.
Sometimes they come soon after the defeat, and sometimes after a while: everything has already happened, it would be time to let everything go, but it is here that a person begins his personal hell.
What is the danger of «stuck» in failure
Everyone reacts to failure in different ways, but for many in such a situation, a whole gamut of different feelings is replaced: despair, numbness, anger, pain, disappointment.
And what is especially dangerous is to get stuck in these emotions for a long time. Our brains are wired so that when we make the wrong move, we experience negative feelings – this is how the psyche helps us learn from mistakes. Therefore, in order to “let go”, it is important to draw conclusions. “Everything, everything, I learned!” This is how our brain perceives it.
If a person does not get out of this state for a long time, this can have serious consequences for his body. Yes, neuroscientists that stress causes long-term changes in the human brain: the balance between the white and gray matter of the brain changes, new neurons die in the hippocampus — the area of uXNUMXbuXNUMXbthe brain that is responsible for learning, memory and emotions. It also increases the production of cortisol — sometimes called the stress hormone — which in turn leads to changes in metabolism and other health problems.
It turns out a kind of vicious circle: failure and severe stress lead to changes at the physiological level, and they, in turn, complicate the way out of a difficult situation. The consequences can be the most serious — deterioration in physical health, depression, alcoholism, unstable emotional state and outbursts of anger. At such moments, a person can label himself as a loser, which will then affect his whole life.
However, it is important to remember that we have a huge compensatory potential: if a person does not “bury himself” after a failure, he will be able, thanks to this story, to become many times smarter, more efficient, more capable and emotionally stronger — which means that he will be able to achieve success, that he didn’t even think about.
Here are some «green» ways to survive failure.
1. Contacting a specialist. If a person is already stuck in feelings of defeat, a good option is to go to a coach or therapist. With a specialist, you need to develop a plan to return to yourself — to your strength, talent, luck. This will give a person the opportunity to act: our brain is so arranged that it reacts even to small victories and steps forward. The stress hormone will be replaced by happiness hormones — dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, endorphin — it will be easier for a person to move on.
2. Physical activity. In a stressful situation, you need to maintain the same physical activity and even introduce a new one. It sounds trite, but this is the basics of biochemistry: sports help to remove cortisol and promote the production of hormones of happiness. Physical strength is needed for spiritual strength, and a good form is needed for general rebirth.
3. Stories about failures of very successful people. Sometimes it helps to listen or read how people who are successful now experienced failures before, how they got back on their feet — and how everything worked out for them in the end. This will give us hope. And where there is hope, there are plans for a new life.
4. Acceptance of what you do not influence. There is no need to blame other people, even those who hurt — while you scold them, you are only wasting your strength, because you are fixated and cannot develop further. But in the same way, you don’t need to blame yourself — there are many things in life for which you cannot be held responsible, it is important to accept this.
5. Developing skills to get out of failure. After a serious defeat, it can be difficult for a person to draw conclusions. Nevertheless, you need to try — simply and without drama, admit to yourself your mistakes and omissions, accept failure and let go of the situation.
It is necessary to cultivate a more “sporty” attitude towards failures: “Okay, there was a failure, it was painful, but I will recover and “run” even faster.”
Failures happen to everyone, so use them as a springboard for a new breakthrough. This skill will help you successfully develop and move on — to your dreams!