Contents
At the age of twenty, we are tested for strength: we get used to a new adult life, we learn to make decisions and bear responsibility for them. How to survive this difficult period – and become stronger?
In our twenties, most of us begin an independent life: education is completed, a job appears, a family, children … Some suddenly realize that what they have been studying for five years is not at all interesting to them. Others, faced with the real and often harsh experience of living on their own, are shocked and confused. What to do to pass these tests?
1. Be willing to change
When we don’t have enough experience, many problems seem too difficult. In a relationship, you need to make compromises, learn to understand the other person, make plans for two (or even three). At work, you have to endure criticism and do what is not always to your liking. There is a temptation to drop everything and go in search of happiness. But happiness will not come if you are not ready to change.
Psychologist Carol Dweck argues that there are two styles of thinking: fixed and progressive. The first contributes to the fact that we get hung up on familiar ideas and patterns. The second means the ability (and most importantly, the willingness) to revise one’s ideas in the light of new experience. According to Carol Dweck, progressive thinkers are more likely to succeed and recover from failure faster.1.
2. Don’t be afraid to slow down
This advice is primarily for those who are used to making high demands on themselves. Everything goes according to plan: school (of course, with a gold medal), olympiads, the best university and a red diploma. But at some point, the scheme fails. The young man begins to think: for whom am I doing all this? what do i really want?
Such experiences should not be taken as a tragedy, says psychotherapist Stephane Clerget. Awakening may be dramatic, but it only means the next step in development – the transition to a new, more conscious stage of life. As with any turn, it is inevitable and even wise to slow down, look around, and then start moving with renewed vigor.
3. Allow yourself to be imperfect.
Fear of failure and judgment often prevents us from moving forward. That is why you need to deal with him in the first place. Take a closer look at the “stop thoughts” that arise in your head. In what situations does this happen? Who owns the voice that speaks in your head? Perhaps they are your parents? Or an arrogant classmate? Or the teacher who told you that you would not achieve anything?
Such hidden messages to oneself can become a problem. But if you know where they come from, you will learn how to neutralize them. Make an appointment with a psychologist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy. He will teach you to work with your thoughts and help you change negative attitudes.
Read more:
- Midlife crisis: when the soul sets in motion
- What Millennials Cry About
“With money, poverty is easier to endure,” said the artist Alphonse Allais. This principle applies to relationships as well. Surround yourself with productive and inspiring people from whom you can learn new things. Look for like-minded people with whom you would like to do business. A well-established network of connections will serve as a support group to achieve your goals, and an airbag in case of failure, and a resource for finding new directions for development.
Don’t forget the power of weak ties – contacts with people who are not part of your regular social circle. “Because they don’t belong to the closed cluster of our close friends and acquaintances, they give us access to something new,” writes psychologist Meg Jay, author of The Important Years. They have experience that we don’t. Weak ties are like a bridge with no end in sight, meaning no one knows where it might lead.”2.
5. Follow the information diet
It’s no secret: our environment influences what we think is valuable and relevant. It is important that this influence does not bring harm. The Internet beckons with the illusion of quick success: it is enough to do something unusual, and everyone is already talking about you. Pictures of someone else’s life on social media can be confusing, increase doubt, and even lead to depression.
Change the position of a free traveler to the position of a picky investor. Your time and attention is your future well-being. You should only spend it on things that will help you move forward. Everything else can be safely ignored.
1. K. Dweck “The New Psychology of Success. Think and win” (Family Leisure Club, 2007).
2. M. Jay, The Important Years: Why You Shouldn’t Postpone Life (Mann, Ivanov & Ferber, 2014).