How to Survive a Hypochondriac in the Midst of a Pandemic

In the case of a mental disorder, the hypochondriac reduces his entire personality to an illness, which becomes the main object of interest, love and hatred. This is a complete withdrawal into oneself, in which everything else, the whole outside world, activities and relationships pale, recede into the background. Fortunately, problems with hypochondria are often closer to neurosis and depression. Painful suspiciousness becomes a way to localize anxiety, because the named danger, even such as, for example, cancer, is more bearable than a constant vague threat.

Also, suspiciousness should be distinguished from the fear of getting sick, which sometimes occurs after a loved one dies of an illness, and from the fear of a possible relapse, which may appear in remission after curing a real disease.

Hypochondria is most often accompanied by a lack of self-esteem. Illness, a socially acceptable form of failure, hides a deeper sense of helplessness, worthlessness. Hypochondriacal anxiety is also quite common during adolescence and menopause, because at this time, self-esteem is especially vulnerable. From the point of view of systemic family therapy, the hypochondriac takes the place of a kind of lightning rod: other family members «invest» their anxiety into it.

Many of those who suffer from hypochondria have experienced early emotional deficits, bereavement, and separation. Preoccupation with one’s health can also be a habit, a way of life that parents pass on to us in the same way as the habit of washing hands and saying hello. Those who were taken to the doctor by their parents at the slightest suspicion may have a feeling of fragility and unreliability of their body for the rest of their lives. Since these behaviors are formed in early childhood, they are very persistent and seem to be a natural state.

The tendency to hypochondria is exacerbated in a situation of stress, when everyday life makes demands on us that are too great for us, which we cannot meet. And when all the media report on the growing number of cases, the anxiety characteristic of the hypochondriac resonates with the social situation, increasing suspiciousness to a state of panic with characteristic manifestations such as heart palpitations, muscle pain, confusion of thoughts.

In the event of a pandemic, we all fall under prolonged exposure to stress, discuss the disease endlessly and begin to listen to our bodies. The question «How are you?» ceases to be a mere formula of politeness and expresses real concern. We are charged from the general background and drag each other into the funnel of neurotic states, so that the ranks of hypochondriacs are likely to replenish.

So the very first piece of advice: separate the temporary syndrome from the stable state. If we are talking about «big» hypochondria, you need to consult a psychiatrist and select medications. This is not a personality trait, but a disease that needs to be treated.

When it comes to situational experience, you can help yourself. But even in this case, especially if physical symptoms appear (trembling in the hands, pain in the heart, a feeling of suffocation), it is better to consult a psychotherapist.

Advice for loved ones of a hypochondriac

We can be really annoyed by the suspiciousness and anxiety of our loved one, who is busy with his imaginary illnesses. Sometimes the only way to deal with it is to take a break, to refuse to discuss these topics.

It is useless to try to convince him that his suffering is unrealistic by presenting negative test results. Sentences like «You have nothing, pull yourself together, stop thinking about it!» only increase his loneliness and feeling misunderstood by others.

If you want to help him, it is better to talk about him, his childhood, his family. If your compassionate attention isn’t enough to comfort your loved one, suggest that they work with a therapist to uncover the root cause of their anxiety.

Tips for a hypochondriac

1. Try to detect changes in your condition as early as possible: increasing anxiety, worsening mood, gloomy thoughts. The sooner you notice these signs, the easier it will be to deal with them.
2. If you feel the approach of depression or anxiety, take a shower or bath — water has the ability to «wash away» our bad states.
3. Remember your successes, everything that you did. Those who have a track record of success find it easier to deal with stress. It is harder for those who are accustomed to consider themselves a loser. But even they have experience of achievements, it just takes longer to remember it. It’s not about grandiose accomplishments: you probably learned how to write, tie shoelaces, light matches …
4. Tune in for a long game, not a sprint, but a long distance. Do not twist “horror stories” in your head, push aside everything that does not depend on you.
5. Check the value of what you are doing: “Will I be long enough if I do this?”
6. Find a supportive phrase, such as «this too shall pass.» Even better, come up with your own, unique.
7. Watch your appearance — it affects your mood. Change clothes, use the usual means of care. Make video calls so you can show yourself and your friends can compliment you.
8. Arrange a little «training stress» for the body — this will unload the psyche and strengthen the immune system. When washing your hands, use contrast water temperature. When taking a bath or shower, put your feet under the cold stream for a second.
9. Make a plan for the month. You can cooperate with someone and regularly exchange messages about the results. Or just write them down daily. For example: take things apart, rearrange furniture, read a book, come up with an anecdote or a funny story.
10. Remember that the basis of survival in nature is the ability to change. The winner is the one who knows how to change habitual patterns of behavior, overestimate values, ask for help, maintain contacts.