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Talking to a close friend and meeting with a therapist are well-known and proven ways to get emotional support during a difficult period in life. But what if they are not available or not enough? Clinical psychologist Alice Boyes helps us see a few more resource options that many of us simply don’t think of.
No matter how supportive, sympathetic and considerate our friends may be, they cannot be with us 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and are not always able to be there when the ground is slipping from under our feet. At such moments, we have to switch to “self-sufficiency”, and this is not bad, because then everything is in our hands.
How to support yourself in a difficult situation? Here are some tips from clinical psychologist and self-help author Alice Boyes.
1. Seek support from those who … are not too close to you
In difficult times, we often turn to those who have been in a similar situation before and managed to get out of it for support. But, paradoxically, just such people can refuse to help us. Not everyone is ready to plunge into painful experiences again, and they are quite understandable.
Similarly, our loved ones may not be as understanding and strong as we would like. Oftentimes, people with whom we don’t have the closest relationship can be the most supportive, Boyes says.
Expert recommendation: “Choose a few people you know who aren’t your closest friends and talk frankly with them about what you’re going through right now. It is better if there are few of them: the participation of too many acquaintances may be excessive. You don’t have to tell your whole story — you can just briefly outline the situation and get a little support.
2. Get a free expert consultation
We may consider our problem too insignificant, but this does not mean that we do not have the right to seek support — including free mental health services. In Russia, for example, you can call the unified helpline of the Ministry of Emergency Situations +7 (495) 400-99-99, or the Moscow Psychological Assistance Service +7 (499) 173 09 09.
Expert recommendation: “If you dialed a number and were answered, but you realized that you were not ready to talk, politely say goodbye to the specialist and try again next time,” advises Boyes. “Always keep the number of such a service at hand.”
3.Be open to any support options
On the Internet you can find a lot of articles about what you can not say to a person who finds himself in a difficult situation. What is wrong with these texts? The fact that those who are ready to support us, and those who always have the “right” words about our situation or about life in general, are not always the same people.
Relatives and friends who sincerely care about us do not always know how to say “correctly”. They may use common phrases and be clumsy in their attempts, but if they are driven by the intention to help and support us, they should not be repulsed.
Expert recommendation: “When we feel bad, our internal “radar” becomes hypersensitive, and we can react unnecessarily painfully to the “wrong” words. However, try not to distance yourself from those who are full of good intentions. For example, you might say to yourself, “I wish my father would put it differently, but I can see that he cares about me, and that’s important to me.” If you feel love, don’t quibble over words — feelings can give you more.»
4. Think outside the box
“It sounds strange, but I feel incredible support from … my robot vacuum cleaner,” Alice Boyes unexpectedly admits. “On days when I have a hard time, the ability to delegate cleaning to him is especially important.”
You can also get support by coming to the fitness center, to yoga classes, to a group of runners or hikers — in short, being among those who share our interests.
Another way to get social support is through social media. Asking your friends or followers what kind of music to listen to to lift your spirits can give you great recommendations. It’s especially nice to know that people took the time to respond to our request and share what they like.
Expert recommendation: «Do self-observation — pay attention to the little things that give a strong sense of social support, and try different options.»
Even when it is difficult and it seems that there is no one to rely on, we should remember: we are not alone. When emotions overwhelm, it is important not to isolate yourself — from people, new opportunities and experiences.
About the Author: Alice Boyes is a clinical psychologist and author of The Healthy Mind Toolbox and The Anxiety Toolbox.