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Summer is over, the children are back to school, and they again have to get used to the school regime and to each other. Social educator Sign Whitson gives parents five tips on how to support their children as they start school.
A child who has difficulty communicating or is in a new group may need adult help. Here are five things you can start doing today.
For many students, making friends with peers is as natural as breathing. But for vulnerable and shy children, communication with classmates is an inexhaustible source of stress. Parents who haven’t had these problems think it’s not normal, and this attitude puts extra pressure on the child.
The ability to make friends is a skill that can and should be formed and improved, just as, for example, children are trained to solve mathematical problems. Use role-plays, rehearse how to behave in different social situations, show instructional videos on how to start a conversation, find common interests or end unhealthy relationships.
2. Use your strengths
What is your child strong at? What is he interested in? Does he like to draw, is he interested in science or computers? Interested in football, swimming or theater?
If you focus on what the child does poorly, you will not achieve positive results and the child will become even more withdrawn into himself. Make his strengths the foundation for developing social skills.
Mark is a very musical teenager. He plays drums and sings beautifully. But he moved to a new school and could not find a common language with classmates, many of whom play sports. The school psychologist suggested that Mark write an anthem for the school football team. The players liked this song so much that they respect Mark and willingly communicate with him.
3. Determine what matters most
What hinders the shy student the most? He can’t strike up a conversation? Hesitating to share your thoughts? A child may experience many difficulties in communication, but you need to start with the development of social skills, the absence of which hinders him the most, and then move on to less significant ones.
4. Find new platforms for communication with peers
It happens that the conflict arises because of the specifics of a certain group, and not because of the individual characteristics of the child. Often, kids who don’t get along well with their classmates get along great with the guys on the hockey team, or vice versa. Learning often turns into a constant struggle for a place in the school hierarchy for children, which makes school an extremely uncomfortable place.
The best thing that can be done for the child in this case is to offer him extracurricular activities. In a club, sports section, volunteer organization or theater group, a child can find new friends.
5. Explain what true friendship is
Unfortunately, today many schoolchildren choose friends based on social status rather than personal qualities. We cannot directly influence the choice of friends, but we can offer the child the following game:
- Ask your child to take 2 minutes to write down the qualities they value in their friends.
- Discuss the qualities that he considers important and number them in order of importance.
- If there are several children on the list, have them take turns reading what they have written aloud and ticking the matching qualities. Discuss these qualities, decide which ones are most important.
- Ask the children to write down what character traits they would not like to see in a friend. Discuss them.
- Compare lists. Talk about the importance of being able to choose your friends.
- Invite the children to share their opinions about why people choose the wrong friends and how to end those relationships.
Children grow up and become independent, but the support of parents is important both at 7 and at 17 years old. It is in our power to teach your child important social skills: getting along with others, ending toxic relationships, and finding like-minded people.