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Life is full of stress and unpredictable situations, and such an event as a first date is more than a serious cause for excitement … But excessive nervousness can ruin the whole thing. How to overcome your fear? Here are four simple tips.
Particularly sensitive natures experience almost around the clock. Women and young people are especially worried. They can be pissed off by the line at the store, the remarks of the boss, or the rain outside the window. What can we say about the first date.
You are spinning in front of the mirror, and it seems to you that this skirt makes you fat, and the sweater spoils the complexion. You are afraid that you will not be able to keep up the conversation or say something wrong. Gradually, a panic attack begins: you sweat, pounding in your temples, and everything falls out of your hands.
You are unsettled and no longer want to go anywhere. However, anxiety can and should be dealt with. Olivia Remes, a psychologist at the University of Cambridge, offers four tips for dealing with anxiety.
1. Don’t Think Bad
People love to think about what will happen if something goes wrong. Such thoughts not only lead to despondency and feelings of helplessness, but also increase the production of stress hormones.
If you want to be charming and laid-back on your first date, don’t focus on negative thoughts. As soon as you feel that a gloomy thought is ripening in your head, try not to pay attention to it, just let it go.
Consider that a negative thought is just a thought, one of many thousands. They are joyful and sad, exciting and not very exciting, but they all pass, and this thought will also pass.
If you are already in the grip of stress, try the following meditation practice: Concentrate on your breathing and, as soon as a negative thought appears, start breathing deeply. Do not let yourself be carried away by experiences, breathe evenly.
2. Look fear in the eye
This advice is not only suitable for a date situation, but also for getting rid of any fear. A person is afraid of everything new and incomprehensible. The more often you find yourself in situations in which you feel “out of your element”, the more familiar and understandable they become.
Avoid crowded events? So you need to visit them regularly. The first time, come for 15 minutes and have a little face-to-face talk with someone. After a week, stay for half an hour and chat with a few interlocutors.
Further more. In a couple of months, you will remember the past phobia with a smile. Thus, the more often you go on dates, the easier it is to treat them.
3. Don’t replay conversations in your head
Thinking about what could happen or fantasizing about future unpleasant events leads to nothing but increased anxiety. If you need to solve a problem, solve it as quickly as possible, without unnecessary emotions and thoughts. Psychologists call this approach problem-focused solution.
Those of us who can focus on solving problems have better mental health, a more positive attitude, and significant success in life than those who are in the grip of emotions.
If someone has said something to you that is bothering you, talk to that person directly instead of making up different scenarios.
4. Don’t follow “smart” advice
Books often give advice on what to do to look attractive. You can follow all these rules: dress properly, laugh at his jokes or tell jokes, make the right gestures, but in the end not achieve the desired result.
Instead of worrying about how you look and what people think of you, try to learn more about the person you want to impress. You may find that this handsome man is uneducated and unreliable, and lies at every turn.
As you know, worse than a year of a terrible relationship, there can only be a year and one day of a terrible relationship. Consider whether you need such a partner.