Contents
How to stop seeking constant approval from others
Psychology
The need for constant recognition and approval indicates that we are facing a dependent and submissive personality
To a greater or lesser extent, everyone we like to be accepted; and more than accepted, we like that what we say, feel or do has the approval of the rest since we are social beings. However, this should not limit us in our way of seeing life. After all, the third party recognition it’s just your point of view, and we each have our own point of view.
But when the need for approval of others becomes common, this is a sign that they have a more dependent and submissive personality. “This type of people ask from what clothes to wear to how to decide on a menu, or a certain purchase, because they are fearful personalities, afraid of making mistakes or simply very complacent with others and that is why they constantly seek approval and agreement,” he says. Sandra Isella, director of the Cepsim Center for Psychologists team.
Behind each question, in addition to seeking approval, an attempt is made do not generate conflict; sometimes because they think that it is the only way that others will accept and love them and in other cases because any decision they live with fear and scares them. «People who are more self-confident are more autonomous in their performance, they have determination, with good capacity to make decisions, they have leadership and develop a good tolerance for criticism, trust their criteria and take responsibility for the consequences of their actions, understanding that it is part of making their way in life, “explains the psychology expert, adding that these types of people do not care that others disapprove and bet for getting what they want.
However, this is not always the case. The expert indicates that it can be variable throughout life and the life circumstances that we go through: “It is modifiable since it has to do with the way in which we relate to ourselves and to others.”
Compromised security
Those who need the recognition of the rest have one characteristic in common: insecurity. It is at these times where safety is very compromised and seeking safety through the approval of others is normal in psychological development. “It is a most stage of evolutionary growth and it happens with respect to our reference figures when we are children: our parents, teachers and other significant figures », says psychologist Sandra Isella. Already in adult life we would have to begin to feel safe enough without the approval of others conditioning us so much, although it continues to serve as a reference.
«Insecurity, which is a very uncomfortable feeling, can try to compensate by trying to like others, because in some way it also has to do with feel included, with the feeling of belonging that we know is a primary human need “, concludes the expert.
Enough of the “what will they say”
We need others because we are interdependent beings, therefore it will always feel good feel loved, recognized, accepted and therefore feel we belong to a family, a group of friends, a trade or a political, social or community cause.
From that perspective, it is good to feel the need to feel welcomed and accepted, the problem arises when, to achieve this, we betray ourselves by going against what we want, doing things “for others” rather than “for ourselves together with the others ”, which in the long run produces great imbalances, a lot of frustration and feelings of a lot of loneliness.
«People will always give their opinion and say things and there will always be opinions in all senses, changing, contradictory, of the kind now yes, now not … when you can really give an opinion from the outside but only the person who is in a certain situation can know what is capable, with what resources does it have to go through each experience and those are the main aspects to assess in certain situations where we will always find people who have opinions, approving or not our decisions in life», Says the Cepsim expert.
As Sandra Isella expresses, “living in a congruent way with ourselves helps us to focus more on ourselves, on our abilities to face the challenges that life puts before us.” Counting on the help of others to achieve what we propose can be a good formula in the process of learning to live.