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Hello dear blog readers! No matter how you behave and how good-natured you are, conflicts with the people around you are inevitable.
Sometimes criticism, a burst of anger towards you are completely unexpected and unfair. And then the question arises, how not to pay attention to negative people if they constantly strive to offend and hurt?
Today we will just look at ways that will help maintain peace of mind. Just to begin with, you will need to work on yourself. Sometimes we are not able to change another person, but we are able to make changes in relations with him, simply by reconsidering our views on life, realizing the weaknesses and strengthening the strengths.
Work on yourself
Stop trying
Resentment is not expressed, anger stopped for any reason. Accordingly, it turns out that being offended, we punish not the one who offended, but ourselves. Because we keep this destructive energy inside.
And also «fall out» in the position of the victim. If exaggerated, it looks like this: «I’m so unhappy, they treated me unfairly and now I feel bad.» Then the offender must either make amends, or someone else must take on the role of a defender and seek justice, reconcile, and so on.
So, declare a fight to insults. If you are used to reacting like this, then understand that you are only harming your emotional state and health. If in this way they are trying to manipulate you, clarify what exactly hurt him and how to deal with it now. For more information on what to do, please click on this link.
Mindfulness
If you actively «turn on» in a negative person, that is, you react to his words, actions, and so on. Then try to think about why it touches you so much. Realizing the reasons, it is likely that you will stop feeling so much emotion towards him.
For example, at work, a colleague constantly looks unhappy, which irritates you unspeakably. So much so that it spoils the mood sometimes for the whole day. If you ask yourself: “Why am I reacting this way?” or “What exactly causes anger in his behavior,” then you can understand that he simply resembles one of the relatives who is completely unpleasant to you.
Or that sadness just lives inside about, say, the loss of a loved one, but it is forced out and denied. Why sad and unhappy people also want to be avoided.
In general, think at your leisure, look for the root cause of such reactions, even to insults.
Because if a person considers his appearance attractive — the word «freak» will not knock the ground out from under his feet. Yes, it will make you angry, but not enough to lower your self-esteem or ruin your mood for a few days.
If you are surrounded by a large number of negative personalities, take the time to think about why this happened. Why do you choose them, attract them into your life. Trust me, nothing just happens.
No, thanks
Learn to say no if you really don’t want to do something. When a person is put under pressure and he gives up, this means that the manipulator managed to find a weak spot, which he will now use for his own purposes.
When you are really ready to help, even sacrificing something is one thing. But when you have to act from completely different motives and emotions, it’s a bad thing. For example, a favorite way of those who like to use people for their own purposes is to pressure pity, an attempt to arouse feelings of guilt and even shame.
If you succumb to the tricks of the manipulator, it will be very difficult to get rid of the negative. Therefore, arm yourself with the recommendations from this article and declare battle with such treatment of you.
Adoption
Perhaps this will support you in a difficult moment, but a happy person does not need to hurt the people around him. And he certainly will not be happy if he realizes that he has harmed someone. Only deeply unhappy individuals do this, they thus compensate for their unfulfilled desires.
Therefore, before you get hurt about such people and their statements, think about the fact that it’s not about you, but about them. You are simply a victim of circumstance.
There is such a protective mechanism of the psyche, which is called projection. It consists in the fact that we attribute to the people around us and reality in general those qualities and characteristics that we reject in ourselves. For example, if I have accumulated a lot of anger that I failed to notice, realize — I will consider my interlocutor as a rather aggressive person. And his words, intonation, gestures are interpreted as hostile.
Now, the attacks of the other towards you may turn out to be just his projection, which is why it is so important not to take accusations or insults to heart. And also be attentive to your own feelings. Is it really as negative as you think?
Methods
Jokes
When another, rather aggressive and toxic person needs to shed his negativity, discharge or, conversely, recharge, then your anger will be just the way for him.
This is exactly what such personalities are striving for, to bring the interlocutor out of the state of peace of mind. And then they feel bad at heart, why do those around them rejoice then? We need to make sure that they become uncomfortable.
Unfortunately, the recommendation to simply ignore them is suitable mainly for people with nerves of steel, otherwise there is no way to explain their ability to “not turn on” and not notice insults and other manifestations of hostility.
In such a situation, humor can help you out. Yes, it is also a rather difficult tool, like ignoring, but with its help you can even, in some cases, resolve the conflict and defuse the situation.
The inability to satisfy his need will push him to “get behind” you and find himself another victim.
Constructiveness
Ask questions in response to accusations and attacks. The aggressor can be put in place mainly only through rationalization. Quite logical questions about why he decided so, on what basis allows swearing at you and such behavior will moderate his ardor. Yes, and with unwitting witnesses to the conflict, you will earn respect with your reactions.
And don’t forget to stand up for your boundaries. Often people violate them in communication for one simple reason — they simply do not realize that something is unacceptable for you. Here’s how you can guess that, say, a person does not like sweets, if he does not tell about it?
There is a stereotype in society that you should treat people the way you want to be treated towards you. So, the majority lives according to this principle, sometimes even unconsciously.
If a person is used to resolving conflicts in an aggressive way, then it is quite normal for him to be insulted, and even obscenely.
Therefore, it is important to state what does not suit you. Calmly talk about your feelings, without accusations and curses. Then there will be a chance that you will be heard and in the future they will not allow themselves such behavior.
What is especially important if such a negative person lives with you. At home, it is important to feel comfortable and safe, and not like you are in a minefield. And it is difficult only at first, because it is unusual.
Over time, you will learn to defend personal boundaries.
Forward movement
Learn to let go. Mentally replaying what happened will only harm you and your health, depriving you of peace. Express unexpressed feelings in a constructive way and move on with your life.
For example, if anger remains, imagine this scoundrel and beat the pillow. Shout into the water, go for a run. Have a heart-to-heart talk with a loved one, drink tea and review photos that evoke pleasant feelings. In general, do it by all means, in any way convenient for you, but get rid of the retained emotions.
You need to appreciate every moment of your life, usually no one knows how much he is measured to meet sunsets and sunrises.
Therefore, there is no need to suffer from insomnia, representing your offender. Nothing good will come of this. And you will waste time and vitality. Just make it a rule to go to bed calm and relaxed.
Completion
And finally, I want to recommend an article on how to emerge victorious from a conflict situation. If the irreparable has already happened and it was not possible to anticipate the scandal, then try to at least solve it in a constructive way.
In order to defend their boundaries and maintain relations with the interlocutor, especially if they are related and close.
Good luck and accomplishments!
The material was prepared by a psychologist, Gestalt therapist, Zhuravina Alina