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Sometimes we apologize for no reason: it seems that we are not at fault at all, but we feel that we are. Because they “disturbed”, “distracted”, “said nonsense”. And this, of course, is wrong. But how do you wean yourself from this habit?
Are apologies really needed as often as we say them? Why do we abuse them at all? And how can you change your behavior? Coach Sarah Neish talks.
Think about when you ask for forgiveness
Pay attention to the situations in which you most often apologize, and identify the reasons for this act. Perhaps the feeling of shame arises during times of stress or in the company of a certain person. Keep track of when an apology might be unnecessary, and try to frame your message without one.
What exactly are you asking for when you apologize?
When you apologize, you are asking for someone’s forgiveness. Forgiving someone means making an emotional effort. Therefore, first decide: is what happened worth asking someone to spend their spiritual resources on you?
Let others connect
Women often act as peacemakers and mediators, apologizing in order to avoid conflict. When you take responsibility for something that is not your fault, you create the impression in others that all problems can be blamed on you. It is better to calm your desire to prevent conflict by allowing the other to realize his guilt and apologize – this will maintain harmony in your relationship.
You may think that they do not want to apologize – but how will you know the truth without giving them a chance to do so?
Try different ways to apologize
The word “sorry” can lose its power if it is spoken too often. If you realize that you really were wrong this time, try saying “I made a mistake” or “What can I do to make amends?”
Sometimes non-verbal apologies are just as effective. If you need to apologize for something insignificant, perhaps some act will be enough that will be more eloquent than any words?