Contents
- 1. Realize that we are naturally programmed to say yes.
- 2. Trust your intuition
- 3. Understand the reasons for canceling a meeting at the last moment
- 4. Realize that canceling at the last moment is worse than canceling in the first place.
- 5. If last-minute cancellation is unavoidable, try to smooth the experience
What or who do you think about when you accept invitations and arrange a meeting? It should be about yourself. Otherwise, for fear of offending or seeming impolite, we agree to everything. As a result, we let everyone down and deliver ourselves a few very unpleasant minutes, inventing an excuse to cancel the event at the last moment. We suggest you go through a few steps to get rid of this ridiculous habit.
1. Realize that we are naturally programmed to say yes.
Socialization is, in fact, one of the instincts, whether we like it or not. The researchers assure that it is completely normal to agree on something with friends, knowing that nothing will work out and the event (or our participation in it) will be canceled. The sly “yes” in this case is the result of many factors. First, it is important for us to be part of something, to belong to a community. Secondly, we definitely do not want to upset the sharp refusal of friends. Thirdly, we can simply experience pressure at the moment when we need to make a decision very quickly, before we ourselves really have time to realize whether we want it or not.
2. Trust your intuition
It would seem, what is easier! Only very often we do not listen to her, being a prisoner of obligations. We are tormented by thoughts about who and what will think of us, whether our friends will be offended. It’s convenient that people interact more and more on messengers these days, and texting gives you a little more time to collect your thoughts and feelings before giving a response. Listen to your own internal arguments for and against. What will you experience if you refuse? Guilt, relief? The right choice is in favor of your own peace of mind.
3. Understand the reasons for canceling a meeting at the last moment
Of course, we are not talking about force majeure circumstances. Only about situations when either the spirit was not enough to cancel everything before, or there was a hope that “it would resolve itself” … An honest confession will probably help to sort out other problems. Why don’t I want to go there: I’m not at all interested in such a pastime? Are these people unpleasant or boring to me? I just want to spend this evening at home? This helps to better understand yourself, and therefore, to build a more productive life.
4. Realize that canceling at the last moment is worse than canceling in the first place.
There is an illusion that it is easiest to refuse a meeting at the last moment. Firstly, this “non-meeting” is already practically a fait accompli, and secondly, no one will persuade, pressure. Many people have such a hard time saying “no” that they prefer this destructive path. It is clear that it is much better, more constructive, more honest not to make plans from the outset than to break them at the last moment. In such a situation, one side is offended by neglect, and the other doubles the feeling of guilt. At first, we are burdened by the knowledge that “I, most likely, will not go anyway, but they are waiting there,” and then “well, now everyone is offended by me.”
Any relationship requires real action – at least meetings from time to time as a sign of confirmation of interest in each other. In order not to offend a person whom you don’t want to delete from your contact list at all, it’s worth talking not about canceling the meeting, but about rescheduling it for another time. Or you can offer to meet in more comfortable circumstances for you. People tend to think that the whole point is in them, in relation to them, and not in circumstances. Even those close to you may not be aware of your feelings and experiences until you tell them.