How to stop being too soft with co-workers

Many people tend to please others in order to avoid conflict. In work, this trend is especially pronounced. Do you often take on an unbearable burden, refuse to take sick leave, are afraid to express even fair criticism, cannot ask for help even when you need it? Most likely, you are an overly compliant person, and this can become a problem.

Helpful people strive to always look positive, never ask for or demand anything, almost do not show their true feelings. So how do you learn to act more confidently so as not to be afraid to ask for the necessary support, to start a conversation about a promotion (or just a bigger salary), to be able to say “no”?

“For some reason, many people believe that self-confidence is constant disputes and conflicts. Some people think that saying “no” is rude, although there are different ways to say no,” says career coach Joanna Blazinska.

Do you think it would be better for everyone if you avoid “unpleasant” conversations? But more often it turns out that, trying to get away from conflicts, you only take on an unbearable burden. And as a result, the quality of your work begins to suffer.

Is it easier to be flexible than to be confident?

If confidence is so important, why do we strive to avoid arguments and please others? “Often we think that confident behavior can lead to negative consequences, that it can damage our relationships with others and our reputation. We are afraid that we will no longer be respected,” explains Blazinska.

There is another reason. Our self-esteem has a lot to do with our work. “Compliant people depend on their compliance. They want to appear reliable, competent, and always ready to help. They hope that their work will be appreciated and they will receive a well-deserved reward, ”says the specialist.

Here are some examples of typical behavior of such people:

• They take on additional urgent work, although they cannot cope with what they have. They inevitably have to sacrifice something important.
• They get involved in new projects, even though they know that their personal time and productivity will suffer because of this.
• When they are overwhelmed, they hesitate to say so.
• They do not dare to criticize the usual way of working, even if it is completely inefficient.

Fortunately, there are five steps that will help you become more confident in dealing with colleagues and superiors.

1. Look at confidence differently

First of all, it is important to learn to look at confidence differently. “Confidence does not mean that you will always go into conflict. You are ready to discuss problems, to negotiate. It does not harm anyone, but only benefits everyone. A confident person can remain polite and humble!” Blasinska explains.

Do you want to work well and be useful? Uncertainty often affects the productivity of an employee – not daring to refuse others, he takes on too much work and, as a result, is always tired and dissatisfied.

2. Improve your communication skills

“Try to make communication with colleagues positive and constructive. Pay attention to how you bring your point of view to the interlocutor. After all, you can say “no” in different ways, and it is not at all necessary to do it rudely. If you defend your interests, this does not mean that you are indifferent to the problems of colleagues and the common cause (but it is important to feel this difference),” emphasizes the coach.

3. Discuss your priorities with your boss

Your immediate supervisor should distribute your responsibilities so that your work brings maximum benefit to the organization. Therefore, it is worth discussing your current affairs with him more often. Concentrate all your energy on key tasks and don’t let yourself be burdened.

4. Find a role model

This could be someone you admire for their confidence and who you would like to be like. If you know each other personally, try to talk to him about this topic and find out the “secrets” of his confidence. Then gradually try to imitate it in practice, adjusting to your personal characteristics and looking for those techniques that are right for you.

5. Strive for a reasonable balance

You shouldn’t always refuse to help your colleagues, but it’s important to make sure your own productivity doesn’t suffer as a result. “Don’t forget that you are all one team. The main thing is to realistically assess your capabilities. Track your productivity, pay attention to what happens when you take on too many tasks. Think about how you can bring maximum value to your company,” recommends Joanna Blasinska.

If you notice that you are behaving overly accommodating, it is important to understand the real reason for these tendencies. Being too soft can create a lot of problems for you in all areas of your life. Remember that your health and mental well-being is a top priority. If you begin to take full care of yourself and defend your interests, this will only benefit your relationships with others.