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“You will be surprised, but the “lateness syndrome” is a serious psychological problem that leading experts around the world have been trying to solve for decades,” says psychotherapist Anastasia Galiyeva. Details.
It is believed that constant lateness is a symptom of various psychological problems. Accordingly, you can stop being late only by understanding what exactly underlies your delays, and then by coping with the reason. There are several equally valid and plausible theories. Some scientists believe that this syndrome is associated with external circumstances: for example, a person is burdened by his work or study; he – even unconsciously – does not want to meet some people, go somewhere. Perhaps he has a situational mild depression, and he just does not want to communicate much with others at all. Or, for example, he just got married and is at home so well that he doesn’t want to go anywhere. These are all simple cases, they are “treated” with the usual time management: make a schedule for the day, plan for an extra 15 minutes, get ready to go out in the evening. Or change jobs.
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- What makes you rush?
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But another assumption of scientists requires much more serious work on oneself. Now many experts agreed that the main reason for constant delays lies in the psychotype of a person and his internal structure. There are very specific character traits, usually inborn (or acquired very early), that “prevent” us from being punctual. First, it is nervousness. Not the one we get from fatigue or frustration, but the one that accompanies some of us through life. These people are emotional, excited, usually subtly feel and react violently to what is happening. Oddly enough, it is precisely hysterical people who are often slow: this is their unconscious way of calming themselves. Sociopathy often accompanies nervousness. Another quality that inclines us to be late is the inability to refuse. When a person says “yes” to everything, and then does not want and cannot fulfill everything promised. Those who are always late are usually absent-minded and often distracted. It is difficult for them to concentrate on leaving the house, they clutch at hundreds of obligatory and not very tasks and activities. In addition, extreme people often fall into the category of “latecomers”: these people are addicted to adrenaline, and rushing is a good way to trigger its release.
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- I’m constantly late
So determine the reason for your delays and start working on yourself. In fact, if the cause is internal, then self-control and motivation will help. It’s like with a diet: if you want to lose weight, try. But the main thing – as, by the way, with a diet – is motivation. If you know why you need to stop being late, and you really feel late as a problem, you will succeed.
Constant delays – not only a consequence of disorganization, says psychologist Diana De Lonzor (Diana DeLonzor). Therefore, the development of time management skills alone, unfortunately, will not correct the situation.
“Remember an important fact: every time we perform this or that action, we get something in return, some benefit. And this is especially true of bad habits. If they did not bring us any satisfaction, we would immediately abandon them. Often, even when suffering the consequences of bad habits, people make decisions (consciously or unconsciously) based primarily on their benefits rather than losses and costs.
Therefore, if you decide to get rid of an old habit, the first step is to determine what benefits it provides you. In other words, once you understand what’s going on in your head when you’re late, consider the job half done.
Your ultimate goal in this case is quite simple – to become a more punctual person. However, when you get to the bottom of your problem, you may well realize that along the way you need to solve a lot of others. For example, you will find that the main source of your lack of punctuality is quite different from what you always thought. So, as if removing layer after layer from the bulb, we see that under each of them lies the next one.
For more information, see D. De Lonzor, The Easy Way to Stop Being Late (Mann, Ivanov, and Ferber, 2013).
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