Women don’t know how to love. Twist as you wish, but this is the real truth.
Strongly said, right?
That’s how I wanted to call this note, but regretted Runet. He, sick (causing compassion), has not yet departed from the past, which was called «Men hate weak women.» Having shown compassion, I lowered the intensity of provocativeness, and the heading of the note is different.
Why did I want to call the note «Women Can’t Love»? Strictly speaking, because it is. Women really do not know how to love (here, of course, we must immediately make a reservation — the situation is exactly the same with men, they do not know how to love).
Here’s the thing: to love is to be equal. And women (and men) on an equal footing know how to be bad. Women usually fall into the position of Mommy (ordering, teaching and controlling) or Daughter (begging, helpless, controlling, but in a different way).
Men have their own set — Daddy (orders, teaches and controls) and Sonny (begs, helpless, controls, but in a different way).
Instead of love, people (let’s put everyone in one category already) act out etudes based on rigid scenario frameworks. For example, she, like Mommy, demands that he come home no later than ten, and he, like Sonny, cries to his friends about a bitter fate.
And both are unaware that an adult man himself decides when to come home, and this decision depends on many factors. And, for example, if the wife is at home with two small children, then it is reasonable to come in general at six in the evening. And if she is alone and there are no children, but there is a girlfriend with whom they drink coffee in the kitchen, then you can linger.
And so it is with everything. Role-playing relationships for marriage are simply disastrous.
Hence, many women have a question — “How to stop being Mommy to him?”
Well, I have something to answer. I warn you — the answer will be concise. Only the most important and extremely brief.
So a short guide How to Stop Being a Mommy to Your Husband.
1. Admire. A parent praises his child because the child needs approval. But the couple needs not praise, but admiration. Praise is always an assessment, and the one who is higher can evaluate. Admiration is an equal position. So instead of «You’re a great driver,» say «I love watching you drive.» Instead of «you’re doing well with me», say «how lucky I am with you.»
2. Give thanks. The parent is obliged to take care of the child, the child is obliged to obey the parent — these are rigid role stereotypes. A man initially, by default, doesn’t owe you anything – and you don’t owe him anything either. And if so, any of his actions is voluntary. Did he wash the dishes? Thank you. Babysitting the kids, giving you the chance to meet your girlfriends? Thank you. More gratitude — that’s the whole secret.
3. Consult. The parent is not required to consult the child. It is necessary for the parent — he will raise the child at six in the morning. It is necessary — you will be lucky to your grandmother. This is normal for parent and child. Not so with adults. If an adult’s action has any effect on another adult, advice should be sought. What if there is a better solution?
4. Don’t do it for him. The parent does a lot for the child, because the child does not know how much and will not learn soon. For example, not every five-year-old kid can stroke his little yo. A thirty-year-old man — maybe. So don’t do for him what he can do for himself. Of course, this does not mean that everyone is now on their own and there is no help to each other. This means that you do not have to take everything on yourself.
Again, this is a summary. But — a summary of working approaches. So if you are tired of being a mother to your own husband, I recommend it for use.
Well, attentive men, I hope, understood that everything is the same in the other direction — admire your woman, thank her, consult with her, and so on.