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Some couples want to maintain, if not friendly, then at least neutral relations – for example, in memory of past years or for the sake of common children. It is not so easy to do this, because parting is in any case a painful process. How to avoid hostility and negative emotions in such a situation?
1. Separate with dignity
If you want to maintain friendly relations, you need to pay attention to how the breakup will go:
- Do not get personal, humiliate and insult each other. Remember that words spoken in anger most often do not reflect your true thoughts. Most likely, you just want to hurt each other, but you should not do this.
- It is better to prepare for parting in advance by thinking through your conversation. This will help to avoid unnecessary negative emotions and convey information more clearly.
- Be sincere. If you are bored with relationships, you have fallen out of love with your partner and do not want to take steps to revive long-forgotten feelings, tell him honestly about it. Do not come up with other reasons, even if you betrayed your partner or cheated on him. When passions subside, your honesty will be appreciated. At a minimum, the partner will not blame himself for the breakup of the relationship.
- Talk only about your feelings, avoiding accusatory intonations. For example: “Your mother bothered me with frequent visits. You don’t defend me in front of her. So our breakup is your fault” would be better replaced with “I feel depressed because your mother is interfering in our lives. I can’t deal with it, so I want to break up.”
2. Take a break before resuming communication
Remember how Liz Gilbert from Eat Pray Love took a divorce? It was incredible stress, she hated her husband and the time spent with him. What happened when Liz spent a year without him? She realized that she was grateful to the former and had the warmest feelings for him.
So you, in order to get used to the thought of parting, need to distance yourself from reminders of a former partner for a while:
- Block him on social media. Agree with your partner that for some time you will be blocked from each other, for example, on Instagram. This will help you start a new life and maintain a profile without relying on the opinion of an ex-boyfriend. And more importantly, he won’t let you follow his life.
- Take the time previously allotted for a partner. For example, you are used to spending weekends together: ordering pizza, watching a movie, or doing a common hobby. Now you have to figure out how to entertain yourself during this time. Spend time with friends, go shopping or go to a club. Have you ever dreamed of learning French? Now is the time to start!
- Take a trip. It is not necessary to organize a vacation for several months – even the slightest change of scenery will help you reboot and distract yourself from gloomy thoughts. Go camping with friends or spend time alone at a popular resort.
3. Leave the past in the past
It takes a lot of effort to move from romantic relationships to friendships. To do this, you need to forget about what happened before, and start everything from scratch.
- If you are going to see each other, then do not go to places that are associated with romantic memories. Thinking that you celebrated your anniversary at that table and were happy can greatly interfere with your friendship.
- Be honest with yourself. If you still have feelings – do not even try to seek friendship with a former partner. At every fleeting meeting, you will hope for a renewal of the relationship, and this is hardly a good idea.
- Avoid flirting, intimacy and talking about this topic. A fleeting affair with a new friend may not lead to unpleasant emotional consequences. A completely different thing is intimacy with a former partner. She can revive the relationship, thus canceling out your attempts to move on.
- Remember the good times in your relationship. “Forget about what happened before” does not mean that you need to forget absolutely everything. For example, your partner cheated on you. But once you had love, you did a lot for each other – is it right to forget about it, focusing on the bad? To start a new life, you need to forgive your ex and understand that you are not perfect either.
In any case, the main thing is that both parties contribute to the separation. Do not waste your life on resentment and revenge on your ex-partner. Forget about the bad and move on – you need it more than anyone else.
Vera Wayne, Prawdziwa historia życia:
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