If you have young children, you are well aware that tantrums are normal in the early stages of a child’s development. And it is not always possible to do something with them. The only thing that will help in such a situation is to calm down yourself. That’s just how?
When a child screams, it is useless to be indignant. But it is often very difficult for us to remain calm when children throw tantrums, because we dared to say «no» in response to their demand.
Studies have shown that most parents suffer from chronic sleep deprivation in the first 6 years of a child’s life. And when you get tired and don’t get enough sleep, it’s hard to be patient. This is where meditation can help us. Yes, this is not a panacea, but the effectiveness of mindful meditation in combating anxiety and stress has been scientifically proven.
These 4 techniques are perfect for tired and exhausted parents who do not have enough time for anything.
1. Five Minute Guided Meditation
“Mindful meditation is desirable to practice regularly, and not just in moments of crisis. This will help you learn to constantly remain calm and stable, says psychotherapist Shonda Moralis. — It is best to meditate in the morning, immediately after waking up, but this option is not suitable for everyone — many parents are accustomed to waking up immediately to get up and go about their business. In this case, choose a five-minute “window” for meditation during the day,” she recommends.
Guided meditations are especially suitable for beginners because of their simplicity. Shonda Moralis promises that you will feel the first results in a week. And after a couple of months, regular meditation will become a habit.
2. SNAP method — when you urgently need to calm down and recover
If you need to regain your composure in the midst of a tantrum, Moralis recommends the SNAP technique.
It includes four steps:
- Stop. If possible, take your mind off the crisis (e.g. move to another room).
- Listen (Notice) to bodily sensations. Shoulders lifted and pinched due to stress? Face twisted grimace of despair? Feel your body and try to relax.
- Accept the situation. Yes, it is very unpleasant that the child threw a tantrum. Yes, you don’t like being a parent at the moment. Just accept what is happening. Trying to resist unpleasant emotions, we often only increase stress.
- Pay attention to your breath. Try to consciously notice each inhalation and exhalation for a few seconds. This short exercise will help you relax, relieve tension and not aggravate the situation.
3. «Breath Reboot»
“If the situation allows, close your eyes and focus on what annoys you at the moment. Then take a deep breath for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds and inhale again for 4 seconds,” recommends Suze Jalof Schwartz, creator and head of the Unplug Meditation training center.
This technique provides an opportunity to break the habitual pattern and switch attention: we cannot think about what annoys us when we focus on breathing.
4. Strong hugs
Shonda Moralis recommends the «hugs and three breaths» exercise, made popular by Zen Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh. This technique is very simple: you and your child hug each other tightly and take three deep breaths in and out at the same time.
“Such an exercise in the midst of a child’s tantrum helps a lot to calm down. But it can be done just like that, without any reason, it brings children together and likes it very much. Once, when I was having a hard time, my child suggested we go to another room, hug and breathe together,” says Moralis.
About the Expert: Shonda Moralis is a psychotherapist, mindfulness coach for women, and author of Breathe Mommy Breathe.