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The importance of sex education cannot be denied. And the main responsibility in this matter lies with the parents. At what age and what to tell the child about sex education? Anna Nikolaeva, a psychotherapist and sexologist, answered these questions live at the Museum of Health.
Human sexuality is a rather complex but extremely interesting phenomenon. It is made up of natural and social factors. The former include gender and sexual constitution, and the latter include upbringing, environment and the attitude of parents towards us.
When to start?
Psychosexual personality formation occurs throughout life and begins in the mother’s womb. After all, even when a child has not yet been born, we already apply gender stereotypes to him, form his image, attribute certain sexual functions.
The main stage of psychosexual development, during which the main features of our sexuality are laid, is the period from one to seven years, it is called parapubertal. It is at this age that the child needs to learn the basics of sex education.
Otherwise, the consequences may be delays in psychosexual development and, as a result, sexual dysfunctions.
Everything that we pledge to children under seven years old stays with them for almost the rest of their lives. Of course, in adulthood, they will be able to somewhat adjust their beliefs about life and sex. But it will take a lot of time and money, because it is extremely difficult to cope with this without the support of a psychotherapist. Therefore, it is better not to miss the moment and take care of the sexual education of children in time.
What is this upbringing?
So what is sex education? Often this term means stories about «pistils and stamens», but everything is much deeper.
Sex education includes explanations regarding physiology, hygiene, personal boundaries, understanding how to protect yourself from violence, and safety and health.
Around the age of three, children begin to develop an interest in their own sex and gender differences. In order for us to satisfy their curiosity, first of all, we need to take care of creating trusting relationships in the family. This will help in the future — especially when the child begins a pubertal crisis.
What a child 2-7 years old should know
Names of all parts of the body, including the genitals
What kind of euphemisms you will not hear from your parents: here you have “elephant”, and “carrot”, and “cap”. Because of their own embarrassment, adults avoid the words «vulva» and «penis» in every possible way.
However, the correct names of the genitals are necessary — they can even help the child avoid violence. When you give the genitals clear and understandable names, show where they are, children have the most important tools for preventing sexual abuse.
In addition, if there are problems with the genitals, the child can describe the location and nature of pain or discomfort.
If he learns the names of the genitals at two or three years old, he will perceive these words as natural and normal (which they really are). But using euphemisms, we instill in children the wrong attitude towards our body and a caustic sense of shame. The fewer prohibitions on one’s own sexuality a person receives in childhood, the fewer problems he has in adulthood.
Intimate hygiene rules
There are general hygiene rules, as well as separate ones for girls and boys. Let’s start with the general ones.
Children do not need any special means for washing — just water.
Underwear should be cotton, in size. It needs to be changed once or twice a day.
Towel for the genitals should be individual, made of soft and natural fabrics.
Washing your hands before going to the toilet is just as important as after.
Wash your hands before touching the genitals.
Boys hygiene
When washing, it is necessary to rinse the shaft of the penis well, move the foreskin and wash the head of smegma (in very young children, the foreskin may be motionless — this is called congenital phimosis — in this case, it cannot be moved back).
The scrotum should be rinsed with cooler water — after all, the temperature of the testicles should be one degree lower than the body temperature.
Pants should be with a special sleeve for a convenient location of the scrotum.
Hygiene for girls
You need to wash in the direction from the pubis to the perineum once or twice a day.
It is necessary to wash out the smegma that accumulates between the small and large labia.
Use only hands (not a washcloth) and warm running water.
«Lingerie Rules»
The purpose of this set of rules is mainly to explain to children that their body belongs only to them and no one can touch it without warning.
Good touch, bad touch
It is necessary to explain to the child that it is unacceptable to allow other people to examine or touch his genitals, and also to ask to look at the genitals of another person or touch them. The most obvious, easy-to-remember border is underwear. What is under it can only be touched by the child himself.
Good secrets, bad secrets
It is not uncommon for stories when, during sexual abuse, a child is told: “This will be our secret with you.” That is why it is important for children to convey (in words they understand): any secret that causes fear, discomfort and depression is a bad secret and cannot be kept in oneself. You need to tell about it to the adult whom the child trusts.
Asking for help is okay!
Children should be aware that there are specialists who can provide special assistance (teachers, social workers, doctors, school psychologists, police officers) as well as telephone support lines where a child can turn for advice.
What to do if the child is confused by an unexpected question about sex?
Do not shirk, but say honestly that you want to clarify information on this matter and return to this discussion later. Be sure to keep your promise!
Also, you can think about the question together. Discuss with your child about a topic that interests him, or study literature together. So he will feel that he is not alone.