Contents
- 1. He planned the date down to the last detail.
- 2. He smothers you with attention and love.
- 3. He “accidentally” begins to praise himself
- 4. He is rude to the attendants
- 5. He reassures that he is looking for love for life, but his past affairs did not last long.
- 6. He is interested in your weaknesses, but does not want to show his
Spotting a narcissist at the beginning of an acquaintance is not easy – not all of them are copied from a textbook on psychiatry. Many have only a fraction of the narcissistic traits. However, there are also signs that can help you recognize dangerous behavior.
“There are many varieties of narcissists: outgoing talkers, shy introverts, even proud self-sacrificing people,” says psychologist Craig Malkin. “But they all have things in common. What they have in common is an aversion to emotional openness, sincerity, and insecurity.” What else do narcissists have in common? Malkin and other experts list 6 signs that should make you think.
1. He planned the date down to the last detail.
We must give him credit, he chose the restaurant himself, actively recommends the best dishes on the menu and knows exactly which bar to go to after dinner. Of course, it’s nice that someone else took care of everything and planned everything. But narcissists decide everything for themselves for one reason: the uncertainty in the plans can lead to the fact that everything does not go the way they would like, and they really do not like this.
“Such people usually do not ask what you would prefer, but organize everything themselves. If a new acquaintance insists that he decide how the date goes, he may just want to give you a dizzying adventure. But another explanation is not excluded: perhaps he is used to the fact that everything happens only the way he likes, ”says Malkin.
2. He smothers you with attention and love.
You are just choosing snacks, and your companion is already talking about how well you suit each other, and lists options for spending leisure time together on the weekend. At first, such interest may be flattering, but “a demonstrative display of attention and concern, an attempt to win you over in this way, is one of the signs of narcissism,” says Virginia Gilbert, a family therapist from Los Angeles.
“This admiring attitude can turn your head so much that you forget that it’s too early to plan a joint future. In fact, the narcissist is trying to hook you up to get what they want – most often physical intimacy, money, connections, care, ”explains Gilbert.
3. He “accidentally” begins to praise himself
Most of them like to show off, but those with the most pronounced narcissistic traits have learned to do it in a discreet manner. “They are great at creating the right impression of themselves and will not openly show narcissism and arrogance at first,” says Tina Swithin, divorce consultant and author of Divorce with a Narcissist – Advice from the Battlefield.
“A skillful person may casually mention that he goes to an expensive gym or always flies only first class, but this is done so subtly and elegantly that the interlocutor may not have any suspicions. The less skilled will brag about a degree from a prestigious university or the size of a new apartment, which risks causing irritation, ”explains Swithin.
4. He is rude to the attendants
“Pay attention to how the satellite treats waiters, sellers, taxi drivers. Perhaps over time, he will begin to treat you the same way, ”says Darlene Lanser, family therapist, author of the book “Codependency for Dummies.” “Rudeness and arrogance in dealing with staff demonstrates low self-esteem and narcissistic traits, internal bitterness, excessive demands, a tendency to emotional violence,” Lancer adds.
5. He reassures that he is looking for love for life, but his past affairs did not last long.
“On a date, you can hear that he can’t find a decent person. Most likely, the relationship ended every time as soon as real emotional intimacy appeared in them. Narcissists are looking for perfection, but they find some flaws in the partner, after which they leave him and continue the search, ”Lancer says.
“Pay attention to all the problems and annoyances in their previous relationship that they will talk about, ignore their boasting and compliments,” she recommends.
6. He is interested in your weaknesses, but does not want to show his
Narcissists may scold you for missing out on a promotion or joke that you didn’t go to the most prestigious college, but they won’t be happy if you do the same to them.
“You will discuss your weaknesses and vulnerabilities, the past, but he or she will never talk about their own difficulties. It seems to you that you open up to each other, and then you realize that of the two of you, only you have opened your soul to the interlocutor. For a narcissist, this is a great strategy to feel empowered in a situation of imminent discomfort, but for you, it should be a wake-up call that portends problems. In a relationship with a narcissist, you will always be under fire from his criticism, ”says Malkin.
Source: Huffington Post