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Many people love holidays: cozy evenings with the family, trips to nature, rest, which will later be pleasant to remember, meetings with relatives, loved ones and not so much. But what if the word “relatives” is associated only with conflicts? Says family therapist.
Those for whom meetings with family turn into constant stress are not so few. Here are some tips for those whose “difficult” relatives threaten to spoil the festive mood.
1. Set personal boundaries
Reasonable boundaries will help make communication with relatives less stressful. You have the right to tell loved ones that you will not be able to participate in absolutely every family trip that they have planned. For example, you are ready to visit them during the holidays, but you will celebrate the New Year in the company of friends.
By setting such limits, you will feel calmer. At the very least, dissatisfaction will disappear that you did only what others expected of you.
2. Don’t take words too seriously
Long weekends often bring out both the best and the worst in people. Some people are under constant stress all this time and can rashly say something that they themselves will regret later. Don’t take the words seriously. Most likely, the person who said something offensive, in fact, does not think so.
3. Limit your alcohol intake
Sometimes it seems that the only way to endure a meeting with relatives is to pour more wine on yourself. After drinking too much, you are likely to become overly relaxed and will not be completely in control of yourself. Often, when drunk, we begin to talk about topics that we usually try to avoid. Some easily get into arguments and show aggression.
4. Be happy with what you have
Try to think more positively. Smile at the thought that you will finally be able to escape from the hustle and bustle of your usual affairs and not think about work. Be glad that you have loved ones, delicious food on the table and a cozy home. Thinking about the good things in your life changes your mood and worldview for the better.
5. Enjoy life
Although sometimes it seems to us that relatives will soon drive us crazy, they are still close people, and without them the holidays would not be the same. Perhaps we would feel lonely.
Each of them brings something special to the family. Appreciate it and try to enjoy family gatherings. If you could observe what is happening in the families of your friends, then perhaps you would decide that you are still not so bad.
6. Find someone to talk to
If relatives are truly unbearable, seek support from others. Invite friends. They may prefer snowball fights with your relatives to communicating with their relatives. Well, what if there is no such possibility? Agree that during the holidays you will mutually support each other by phone. This will also help not to go crazy by the end of the first day off.
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Please note that all these tips relate to how you should behave yourself, and not your relatives. You cannot control what others do.
About the Author: Kurt Smith is a family therapist.