How to set personal boundaries in a work relationship

Most people spend most of their lives at work. You deserve respect from your superiors and colleagues. Borders are not a luxury, they affect the physical and psychological state, and family well-being as well.

What personal boundary issues do you encounter at work?

Usually it concerns time, responsibilities and various ethical issues. Here are some examples of boundary violations:

• You stay up late at work, despite family chores and responsibilities, work weekends and lunch breaks.
• You answer e-mails from work outside of working hours or while on vacation.
• Your bosses or colleagues treat you disrespectfully.
• You do not have complete clarity on who is responsible for performing certain work tasks.
• Colleagues or bosses often get too close to you, violating personal space.
• Your colleagues are often late and you have to do things for them.
• A colleague sends you emails written in a passive-aggressive tone.
• You are required to commit unethical acts, such as falsifying reports.
• You are being shown unwanted sexual interest.

Why are personal boundaries important in a work relationship?

In their absence, we will have to work more than expected, we will have the feeling that we are not valued and respected. Boundaries help us and our bosses and colleagues feel better at work and be more productive. They are absolutely essential if we are to enjoy our work.

What exactly is the use of reasonable boundaries?

1. Each employee clearly understands what he is responsible for.
2. Healthy and respectful relationships are maintained in the team, the morale of employees and their productivity improve, the loyalty of the company’s employees increases and the “turnover” of personnel decreases, and psychological burnout decreases.
3. All team members know what to expect from each other.

What is stopping us?

If healthy boundaries are so helpful, why aren’t we always ready to set them? Work serves not only as a source of income, it also supports our self-esteem. Often we are afraid of losing it and do not want to “rock the boat”. Perhaps we are afraid that we will be considered “problematic”, or that we will not be able to work in a team.

If we are not accustomed to defending our borders, we may be afraid to show confidence and achieve decent working conditions. We are afraid that by saying “no” to our bosses, we will hurt our career growth or be fired. But it is worth thinking about the consequences that the absence of boundaries leads to. As a result, your health, productivity, and even family relationships suffer.

How to set boundaries

Explain clearly what you want. Before you demand change, decide what you can and cannot do and in what area of ​​your professional activity you want to set these boundaries. Each of us has different needs, so you may not see anything wrong with answering text messages from your boss on Sunday, to others it will seem like an unacceptable intrusion into your life after hours.

Don’t complicate. No long explanations needed. For example, if someone is talking to you in an inappropriate way (disrespectful, rude, aggressive, etc.), it’s often enough to say, “You can’t talk to me like that.”

Don’t be silent about problems. Do not wait until the problem brings you to nervous exhaustion. The sooner and more clearly you explain what does not suit you, the greater the chance that you will be listened to.

Remember that you have the right to say no. You have the right to refuse if you are asked to do something that is unacceptable or unpleasant for you or that can cause great stress.

Exceptions and compromises are possible. Finding the right balance between rigid and flexible boundaries can be tricky. You have to be willing to stand up for yourself, but don’t turn down the opportunity to compromise when it’s appropriate. You may have to sacrifice something, especially if you are new to this job or profession. But remember the principles that you are not ready to give up under any circumstances. For example, you may be willing to work a few weekends during an emergency, but you won’t tolerate your boss yelling at you.

Don’t expect everything to go smoothly. Most likely, you will meet resistance from others. Don’t be discouraged, change takes time. Most co-workers will come to respect your requirements over time. Unfortunately, there are those who, in principle, do not respect others. In such cases, it is up to you to decide whether to accept their existence or change jobs.

Don’t just complain, but offer specific solutions. Criticize, suggest.

Ask colleagues for advice. If you don’t know what to do, consult with a colleague with whom you have a good relationship. Find out how he manages to maintain the optimal balance in communication, or brainstorm together to find a solution to the problem.