How to ruin even the best relationship

Relationships are based on communication. The more competently we build it, the more harmonious the relationship. Of course, we cannot be responsible for the actions and deeds of the “opponent”, but at least 50% of success depends on our actions and the correct reaction.

Basic Communication Mistakes

Any relationship is first and foremost a contact that needs to be continuously maintained. The more precious and significant a person is to you, the more attention is required to maintain a relationship. You can say for a long time that you are madly in love with your wife, but devote most of your free time to friends. Without exception, everyone in a relationship wants to receive care, love and support, and not criticism, constant accusations and moralizing. Even if you wish only good for a person, there are more optimal forms to convey your dissatisfaction.

1. Is this how opposites attract? Strong relationships are built on common interests. Constantly highlighting the differences between you is a sure way to conflicts and quarrels. Perhaps opposites attract, but it is difficult to stay close to a person who criticizes your tastes, lifestyle, does not share your interests for a long time. Different political views, religious issues and cultural differences are taboo if relationships are dearer to you than your beliefs.

2. What is really born in a dispute? Disputes and the imposition of one’s point of view have broken more than one family union. Think about whether your being right is worth the relationship that you can ruin? The assertion that a dispute is a noble cause, and truth is born in it, no one has yet proven. But the fact that those who like to argue do not leave the other the right to their point of view and as a result of the dispute one must necessarily lose is a fact. And it won’t make the relationship any better.

3. How to understand what a partner is really thinking? Thinking for the other person is another enemy of relationships. You do not know the true reason for a person’s behavior, but in some wonderful way you have already decided everything for him, you have already accused him of all sins, and you yourself have been offended by your own fantasies. For example, a person does not pick up the phone and does not call back for a long time – and then you decide that he … Everyone can come up with their own version, they will be very different and none will turn out to be correct.

4. What to do if the partner is not a telepath? Another option is when you expected a certain behavior from a person, but did not tell him about it. You are sure that he has telepathic abilities, and you were also offended when the person himself did not guess what you needed from him. This is when you really wanted a fur coat for the New Year, and they gave you a phone. How did he not guess?

If you need something from a person, the only way to get it is to be direct about your desires. Accusations and getting personal will not unite your union either. “Because you are/are you” is a sure way to conflict. In resolving disagreements, you need to operate with facts, and not offend a person if he is dear to you.

The golden rule is yes to the person, no to the problem. Dissatisfaction does not need to be contained, and one does not need to endure bad treatment. Dissatisfaction should be expressed in such a way as to eliminate the problem, not the person.

How to express dissatisfaction and not quarrel

First and foremost, identify the problem. What exactly does not suit you in the actions of a person? Let him know how you feel about it. Explain why you are offended, annoyed, angry, upset by such behavior. And be sure to tell how you would like him to act next time in a similar situation. This is not a guarantee that a person will definitely and unquestioningly do what you want, but such a wording will at least help to avoid conflict.

Remember that responsibility in a relationship is shared between partners in half. And you can only influence the course of events by 50% – the remaining 50 belong to the partner. The problem cannot be solved alone, even if you are a communication guru. But for your part, you are doing the best you can, and then it’s up to your partner.

“Lost in Translation”

How to hear what a person really means? In communication, it is important to correctly capture the meaning of what the partner is trying to convey. How often does it happen that a person says one thing, and you hear something completely different?

“Lost in translation” is when you speak one language but still misunderstand the other person’s words. For example, a woman who screams that she hates her husband and asks to get out of her sight really wants to convey that she is in pain. Being able to understand what feelings are behind words is not an easy task, but sometimes it is the only way to understand another person. For your part, track how accurately you convey your thoughts and how ambiguous you can regard what you said.

How to deal with criticism

Criticism is not a constructive way of communication. But how to behave in the case when you are criticized? Agree if the criticism is fair. Disagree and defend your position if you are criticized in a biased way.

Admitting you’re wrong is always the right step towards resolving any conflict. And remember the main thing – you cannot achieve ideal relationships and ideal communication, since not everything depends on you. But whatever the behavior of a person, you are only responsible for your behavior and give the most adequate reaction. For your part, you are doing everything possible to normalize the relationship, and even if you do not get the desired result, you will not be tormented by guilt or the feeling that you behaved wrong.