How to return passion in a relationship?

I bet you expect to hear about sex shop stuff, dressing up in sexy lingerie, and flickering candles at a romantic dinner again. Surely you have already tried this, but the tips did not work, right? When physical attraction disappears, giving way only to spiritual and emotional intimacy (and this is not the worst scenario), it makes no sense to start with a fighting love arsenal. What should be done?

Rediscover sex

Sexual desires are changeable. Years have passed since you met your man, and preferences may have changed. It will probably take time to meet with a new bodily manifestation of your «I». Try to devote more time to this: start reading blogs or watching videos that will help develop your imagination, something described or shown can set you on fire.

The sexuality of the partner may also have changed. First you need to learn how to speak openly about desires: start a dialogue first, be sincere and open-minded about what your partner will tell you. Even if some fantasies seem unacceptable at first, do not rush to immediately report it, let him have the opportunity to be frank with you.

When you understand what has happened to both of you, you will stop wasting time trying to revive old unviable sexual scenarios and you can start again.

Think about what your actions extinguish sexual desire.

A quarrel over the fact that he again did not take out the trash or scattered his socks can kill a man’s desire. A woman’s desire can be extinguished if the husband stops hugging and kissing her at a meeting and gets off with a «hello» on duty. We often focus on what we don’t like and forget about the feelings of the other. Think about what in your behavior can reduce the sexual desire of a partner.

The surest way to «kill» interest is to tell a man that he is a bad lover. The feeling of guilt will not increase the degree of desire, and the very idea of ​​uXNUMXbuXNUMXbintimacy with a woman who did not appreciate his efforts will cause rejection. Both partners are responsible for the situation in which they find themselves, and only mutual openness and a desire to move forward can help.

Separate sex from life

There is no escape from everyday life: cleaning the apartment, cooking, washing dishes, activities with children become an integral part of life together. We get tired, we want to relax in pajamas and a bathrobe and not think about how we look. This desire is natural. But the home image should not be transferred to sexual life, turning it into a monotonous ritual.

Whether it’s a hotel date or a quickie before the kids get home.

An important point: it is better to hint to the man in advance what kind of surprise you are preparing. This will set you in the right mood and give you time to mentally prepare. If you decide to do a number without warning, there is a good chance that he will meet resistance, it will turn out that he is busy, tired, or tuned in to devote the evening to sports or sleep. Do not take this as a fundamental refusal to change anything. It’s just that your offer could take a loved one by surprise, so he was not ready to support the proposed game.

Pretend until you start believing

You may have noticed that when you are in a bad mood, but you force yourself to go out with friends, you start to feel better. Communication, smiles and laughter help you a lot. This approach also works with the fading of romance in a relationship. If you don’t feel strongly about it, start doing things that normally turn you on.

At first, there will be a strange and not very pleasant feeling, as if you are forcing yourself into something that should happen naturally. Do not get hung up on it — the main thing is that you can melt the internal ice. Over time, you will feel that you need very little to experience desire.

The main advice: let some romantic event happen tonight with you and your partner. Don’t put it off until tomorrow.

About the author: Sarah Hughes is the co-founder of The Sex Talk blog.