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The girl was upset, but they explained to her that getting upset at work is inappropriate and is a bad habit.
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Little Tiger is upset, Major Payne distracts him from sad thoughts.
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Women treat “get upset” with understanding, gently. They believe that in case of trouble it is normal to get upset, it is only important to observe the measure, not to worry too much and not for too long. In accordance with the female approach, emotions do not need to be removed immediately and abruptly, everything is better gradually. That is: “You can worry, but not so much and not for so long. I was worried — this is normal, but then try to calm down and start looking for solutions.
The male approach to disorders is different, radical and harsh: “You can’t upset yourself, we remove emotions right away. A smart person should always be collected. Let’s immediately turn on your head, and so that this garbage, these disorders do not exist at all. With a masculine approach, we do not sympathize with the disorder, we do not reassure, but we give instructions and control the implementation.
In relation to men or work situations, a response according to the male type or an administrative solution to the situation is more adequate. When children or women get upset, you can understand them, you can give them support in a feminine way, but without persuasion to calm down and without compassion.
It should be remembered that sympathy and compassion usually only reinforce the disorder and accustom the person to react negatively to life’s difficulties.
Reaction to an adequate disorder for a person
Disorders are adequate. If a young employee wrote a report and, due to an absurd accident, through no fault of her own, lost the result of many hours of work, then people will most likely understand her slight frustration, especially not interfering with work. Understanding that some failures in any business are almost inevitable, that this is not a reason to be upset — this understanding usually comes with experience. If the girl is reasonable, just too emotional for now, then it makes sense:
- give warm support (stroke on the hand, hug),
- show interest and desire to help: «Let’s see what we can do together!»
- express confidence: “Everything is fine, everything will work out!”,
- if possible, distract from sad thoughts.
Note that there is support here, but there is no sympathy and compassion.
It happens that your seemingly adequate reaction meets misunderstanding: more often it happens among close people who are not familiar with the format. If suddenly a person reacts negatively to your support (such as: “Leave me alone! It’s sickening without you!”), Without offense, calmly leave the person alone. Later, when the person comes to his senses, you can ask what kind of reaction on your part for the future will be more acceptable, and if the person is in principle with a head, then explain that his reaction to your support was goo.e.y. Emotions are emotions, and no one has yet canceled good breeding.
Reaction to inappropriate disorders
Disorders are inadequate: inappropriate, interfering with the case, or not meeting the requirements for a person in a given situation.
For example, if an accountant, making transactions, made a mistake and is now upset, then in this upset state he cannot continue to work efficiently. It is unacceptable. If you see that your son, from whom you are raising a man, begins to get upset over trifles, this will not suit you for pedagogical reasons.
The general solution is to support the resource state of a person and give negative reinforcement to inadequate emotional reactions and states. If these are your subordinates, it makes sense to explain how to respond to troubles correctly, and to warn that frustrations are not accepted and not allowed here. If it didn’t help, wait for a situation where a person fell into an upset due to an obvious (obvious to everyone around) little thing, and respond administratively, with an order or punishment. Then, in a positive way, explain the essence of the requirements for efficiency and composure — again.
Lena was upset
History from life. Lena saved up money and bought herself headphones by ordering them on the Internet. She looks — and there is another connector, these headphones do not fit her phone. She was very upset, did not burst into tears, but quarreled at the world and at herself. Mom suggested that she still calm down, so not to worry and think about whether it is possible to solder the plug. That is: “You can worry, but not so much and not for so long. I was worried — turn on your head.
The decision of the pope was different, namely: “Lena, attention: you can’t upset yourself. Stop doing it, come to your senses. You need to resolve the issue. How? You can come up with it yourself, you can contact us. Is there any clarity? These are three instructions. The first is the prohibition against harming one’s own condition. The second is the obligation to turn on the head. The third is an instruction to contact parents when they cannot find the best solution. Total: we do not calm down, but give instructions and control the implementation.