Contents
Girlfriends, parents, husband, beautician, trainer, seller in a clothing store. Each of us at least once heard an unflattering comment about his appearance. Nutritionist Corinne Dobbas helps women build healthy relationships with food, their bodies, and themselves. And he offers eight steps to help you “be above” any critics of your figure.
I took a picture of my mom last night. When she saw the photo, she sighed, “so big.” My heart sank. A few weeks ago she and I were shopping for sushi at a local supermarket, she looked at the packaging and asked, “Are you really going to eat this? There are so many crabs there.” Again my heart sank.
These two little scenes explain why I had so many negative body image and food problems growing up.
If your mother, your prime model of what a woman “should” be, is preoccupied with counting calories and her own weight, you will have these problems to some extent. At least that’s how it is in my experience. But most importantly, these scenes showed me how far I have come. Because they didn’t provoke me. On the contrary, I felt strong. Words like these don’t hurt me anymore.
People who are truly happy with themselves don’t try to upset others.
I hate to admit it, but this kind of talk used to infuriate me. Now I accept that my mother is like that – counting calories. And it’s not my business to change it. My task is to realize that such comments are a manifestation of her own problems, and not mine. How do you react to people’s comments about your weight and appearance?
I want to share a few tricks that will help you calmly respond to criticism. Like all skills, they also require practice and attention. Here are eight ways to “be above” any negative comments about your body and food.
1. Don’t take it personally
You need to constantly remind yourself of this, because even a harmless comment can hurt. But remember that these words say more about them than about us. People who are truly happy with themselves will not try to upset another. On the contrary, happy people support and encourage. They don’t get jealous, they don’t worry that they won’t get something, they don’t make hurtful remarks. And if someone could not resist a sharp comment, this is a sure sign that your actions, statements, thoughts, feelings, or your appearance hurt the interlocutor for the patient.
2. Use people as a mirror
Pay attention to what hurts you the most. Triggers are strong emotional reactions to people, words, situations. When someone’s words hurt, don’t blame yourself for the strong reaction. Instead, use the person as a mirror: try to understand why it hurts you, what exactly hurt.
Even if you don’t find the answers, exploring your emotions can help you better understand yourself. You will come closer to understanding why you feel the way you feel and what you need to do to change it.
3. Express your feelings
Talk about your feelings, say that it is unpleasant for you to hear hurtful words, explain what exactly hurts and upsets. Once you do this, you will learn to set boundaries. Often people think that their comments about your body or diet are “helpful”, “inspiring”. But it’s up to you to decide what’s good for you, not them.
4. Set boundaries
We teach people how to treat us. So unless we tell friends, loved ones, or partner that comments about our body or food are inappropriate, they will continue to do so. Protect yourself. Teach them how to take care of themselves. For example: “When you constantly comment on my weight, I feel like I’m not good enough and you don’t really want me in your life. Please don’t do that again.”
Get a notebook and every day write down three things about yourself that you are proud of.
Pay attention: first you indicate feelings and only after that you state your request. If nothing changes, set boundaries by managing your time: decide how and with whom you spend it. Perhaps it’s time to prioritize. And remember that it’s okay to spend time with those who are good. Not all people need to stay in your life forever.
5. Practice grounding
Protecting yourself can be fun. And it is important for us to remain calm and in touch with ourselves. What helps you achieve balance? Walking, journaling, meditating, painting, reading, exercising, singing, or breathing exercises? Find what suits you. Use this activity to get back to yourself.
6. Notice your progress
When we hear negative comments, it’s hard for us to focus on the good things we’re doing. As a result, we fill ourselves with negativity, someone else’s and our own. Reminding yourself of your own progress, small accomplishments, and the work you are doing right now will help you overcome this.
You can start a notebook and every day write down three things about yourself, your actions or the decisions you make that you are proud of. It will change your life, help you focus on the positive.
7. Practice radical acceptance (and don’t expect an apology)
By trying not to take comments personally, we begin to see people for who they are. We do not try to change others, to convince them, which is very exhausting, especially when a person is not ready to listen. We no longer try to get them to apologize. Instead, we learn to accept them.
8. Don’t focus on your weight no matter what anyone says.
For years I thought I wasn’t worthy of love as long as I looked a certain way. This is a big misconception. Don’t expect your weight or shape to do for you what you have to do for yourself. It is not the body that prevents you from being happy, but fear. And remember that it is often imposed by people who are unhappy themselves.
Let the body do what it is meant to do—to help you live. Take care of him, give him compliments. Your body deserves it.
About the author: Corinne Dobbas is a nutritionist, trainer, and blogger.