Contents
How to respond to the fact of betrayal, what to say, what to do, what decisions to make now and for the future? Should you end the relationship?
For simplicity, we assume that the husband cheated: male infidelity does occur more often than female infidelity.
Errors
Wife’s Mistakes:
Crying, snot, tears or a dead unfortunate face, accusations to the husband in the case and no. In this case, he will leave, even if he had no plans to leave «there». Will go nowhere. Do you really want this?
Thinking and talking about the past is strictly forbidden. Think only about how to live better and what to do now. Talking to him is only about the future. And just be calm. Smart and strong.
Husband’s mistakes
When a husband cheated, he often tries to justify himself and explain why he did it. The simplest explanation: «It’s her own fault!» (the mechanism of cognitive dissonance), as a result, he begins to treat his wife worse than before. This is mistake. This is not the time to figure out who is to blame, you only need to think about what to do next, how to resolve the situation.
Another mistake is that it often seems to the husband that now that his betrayal has been revealed, normal relations with his wife are impossible, at least for a long time. He moves away from his wife, and the wife from this only becomes even more angry. In fact, she wants to make peace, she wants intimacy, but both do not know how to do it naturally and beautifully.
Should you end the relationship?
Here you need to think. This question is clear only to those who are full of emotions or not used to thinking at all. Usually, you need to understand the situation: it happened for the first time or happens serially, it happened against the background of what kind of relationship or what kind of internal state of a person, perhaps this is a reaction to some painful events in the relationship between you …
Infidelity itself is not a reason for divorce, but a reason to seriously think about the relationship of spouses. In treason, as a rule, it is not the one who cheated that is to blame, but the one who did not care about the warmth of the family climate and failed to become the only one for the spouse. Even smarter is not to look for the culprit at all, but simply to build relationships.
Remember, the decision to end a relationship should not be made when you are on fire with difficult feelings. During a quarrel or conflict, you can decide that I will put this question to myself later, and set a time — for example, in a few days, when you will definitely make peace. And when that time comes, you need to remember everything that happened (good and bad), think about what is likely to happen (similarly), what other options are there — and make the decision to end close relationships. Or decide what suits you. So, the decision to end a relationship can only be made with a clear mind, against the background of good relations. See →
What actions to take
What actions to take — there is no single answer to this question, the answer depends on a million circumstances.
- Cheating, accidental or conscious, one-time or lasting, only physical or with relationships …
- Are your relationships great, good, normal, or problematic? Do you have experience and children?
- What is the situation on the other side? What shines for the husband there?
Husband cheats, but in non-recognition
Reasonable actions of a wife can be very different — from waiting to a scandal. But it’s better to have a serious conversation. See →