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After major failures, we are afraid to make a mistake again and endlessly scroll through an unpleasant situation in our head, losing confidence in our abilities. But an oversight is not a crime. To believe in yourself again, you must learn to forgive yourself.
When we lose faith in ourselves, we begin to doubt our ability to handle situations where we used to excel. After major failures and failures, self-esteem may decrease, and then the desire to achieve results disappears. It happens differently: a person suffers from self-doubt all his life and believes that he is not worthy of success.
Because of uncertainty, we are afraid to make mistakes and turn away opportunities. It happens to everyone. Believing in yourself means taking action. Not all attempts will be successful, but you must learn to forgive yourself.
Understand the difference between guilt and shame
If our actions hurt someone, guilt can be helpful. You can evaluate your act from the outside and say: “I don’t want to be like that.” You can apologize, correct the mistake and behave differently in the future.
When we are ashamed, the internal dialogue sounds different. If the feeling of guilt is accompanied by the development of consciousness (“I did badly, but I can become better”), then shame is an emotional manifestation of stagnation. He says, «This is my real face.»
Accept that you will feel terrible for a while.
Guilt always feels heavy, but usually with it comes acceptance. We understand that we made a mistake, admit it and try to improve. Shame, on the other hand, often provokes resistance. It makes you cheat, dodge, shift responsibility onto others, get angry or avoid explanations. Shame links our actions to self-esteem. We are afraid that someone will notice how ashamed we are and find out that we are weak, incompetent, bad.
It’s embarrassing for everyone
The reproachful voice that sounds in the head is an echo of the phrases with which we were shamed in childhood. We don’t realize that no one hears them. It’s time to interrupt the internal dialogue and understand: we act unreasonably, get into an awkward position, give someone trouble because we are people. Flaws in appearance, parental mistakes, blunders in work, and so on, do not make us unworthy of love.
Learn to forgive yourself
Forgiving mistakes is not a one-time act. We’ll have to do it again, because we make mistakes all our lives. Even if everything is carefully planned, the world can create a barrier. It’s okay to miss. We often think that everything is under control, this is not always the case. A change in the weather, a mood swing, someone’s comment can ruin plans.
Realize your responsibility
Recognizing the right to make mistakes does not mean abdicating responsibility. This is necessary in order to drive away obsessive thoughts and move on to meaningful actions. If someone got hurt because of you, you need to apologize and make amends. If this is not the case, you need to figure out why something went wrong and figure out what to do so that everything will be fine next time. The sooner we stop replaying oversights in our heads, the more likely we are to find a good solution. Most importantly, there will be peace in the soul.