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Catching a liar red-handed is not easy. Most people don’t know what to really pay attention to. It is worth not only listening carefully to the one whose words you doubt, but also closely monitoring the signals that his body gives.
How can we understand when we are being deceived? Here’s what to do if you have any doubts.
1. Analyze “standard” behavior
“Unlike other signals, lies can show up differently in body language. These manifestations are very individual. Therefore, in order to identify a lie, it is first worth studying the “standard” non-verbal behavior of your interlocutor,” says body language expert Blanca Cobb.
This can be done in casual conversation by asking questions that are unlikely to lie when answered, such as “What did you have for breakfast? Where did you last go on vacation? How do you like your area? What songs do you like? When studying the “basic” body language of the interlocutor, pay attention to their movements, in particular, eye movements. Does he continue to look at you, or does he look to the right or down?
Listen for a change in the tone of your voice: is it becoming more lively or, on the contrary, quieter? All of this will help you profile this person’s “typical” non-verbal cues and enable you to better understand their experiences in any given situation.
2. Pay attention to changes in behavior
When you already know how the interlocutor usually behaves, it will be easier for you to notice any deviations from the “norm”. You can subtly steer the conversation to something he might be lying about, and keep a close eye on any minor changes in his body language. For example, if he usually looks to the right when he talks, but suddenly during the conversation he starts to stare at you, this is worth paying attention to.
“The common notion that the interlocutor does not look us in the eye when he is lying is wrong. In fact, most liars, knowing full well about this stereotype, will deliberately look you in the eye, trying to deflect suspicion from themselves, ”says Scott Rose, a certified behavioral analyst.
3. Watch your voice volume
“When a person lies, he often begins to speak more quietly at the end of a phrase. His voice seems to fade away,” explains Scott Rose. If you notice that when answering your question, the interlocutor begins to speak more quietly towards the end of the phrase, it is better to remain silent and just look at him intently. If he really is lying to you, then he will most likely begin to embellish his lie, giving unnecessary details, trying to make it more believable. If he doesn’t try to, he may be telling the truth.
4. Don’t throw accusations ahead of time.
Any non-verbal cues, even as simple as crossing arms or smiling, can be misunderstood. Therefore, if you suspect the interlocutor of a lie, you should not immediately openly accuse him. Most likely, this will only anger him or force him to defend himself, and you will no longer be able to get information from him.
“Instead, it is better to turn the conversation to another topic and somehow on another day casually mention the issue that interests you. If you notice that the interlocutor is confused about the details and does not say exactly what the last time, this is another argument in favor of his insincerity, ”recommends Blanca Cobb.
Sometimes it is difficult to determine whether the interlocutor is lying to you or not. And unfair accusations of deceit can ruin a relationship forever. Therefore, carefully weigh all the pros and cons, paying attention to both the person’s body language and the plausibility of the details of his story. It is not worth “burning bridges” ahead of time, leaving no space for an open and honest dialogue.