When the shock of the pandemic and economic freeze has passed, it makes sense to dive a little deeper into yourself and your situation. Find new points of support, work through fears and reevaluate beliefs. This will help you understand where you really want to go and what is stopping you from doing so. Psychologist and business coach Natalia Mitkevich offers 10 questions for introspection.
A crisis is a good time for structural internal changes, it is often impossible to move on without them. Work through the questions in this checklist, and your answers will help you gain new footholds in times of total uncertainty.
1. Where am I on the map of external reality?
So, we were all carried out by the swift current from our comfort zone. To understand where to sail, you must first determine where you are. Our behavior essentially depends on the stage of living the situation.
Usually this path looks like this: shock — denial — anger — bargaining — depression — acceptance — analysis — planning — action — experience. Moreover, the opening of new opportunities occurs at the stage of acceptance.
By now, many have already lived through the first three or four stages, but if you still find these feelings in yourself, then it’s time to acknowledge and release them in order to move on. Keep in mind that with the next major change in the external situation, you may again find yourself at the initial stage.
2. What is my motion vector?
Cognitive psychologist Robert Leahy offers another frame of reference to help you define yourself during a pandemic. He identifies 3 zones: fear, learning and growth.
If you often complain, get easily irritated, spread disturbing messages around you, then you are still in the zone of fear.
If you are ready to let go of what you cannot control, are in contact with yourself most of the time, do not absorb large amounts of food, negative news and everything that can harm you, then you have entered the learning zone.
If you actively adapt to changes, stay calm, be sensitive to yourself and others, think about how to help other people, including through your skills, then you are in the growth zone.
Ask yourself: what is dominant in your life right now? Where would you like to be? What can be done to avoid getting stuck in the first stage?
Dose the news flow, switch the focus of attention from negativity and fear to real constructive actions, structure the working day, communicate with those who have already managed to enter the growth zone. If you have the opportunity, start helping those who are more difficult than you.
3. Where is my focus?
Imagine that you are the captain of a ship and your task is to correctly allocate resources during a storm of unknown duration. Ask yourself 5 simple questions:
• What am I spending my resources on now: on resisting the headwind and trying to control everything, or on rethinking and looking for new solutions?
• What is really important for me and my team (in the company or in the family, it doesn’t matter) right now?
• What are my true intentions and needs despite external pressures?
• What do I really want to do/gain/change that I can influence?
• What thoughts and actions energize me and help me and my crew save myself and the ship?
At first glance, the questions may seem abstract, but answer them in writing. The more specific you formulate your thoughts, the easier it will be to understand where you really want and can move, and prioritize.
An adequate level of conscious anxiety helps to reasonably assess risks and choose tactics of behavior
4. What scares and worries me?
In order to maintain a resource and efficiency, it is important to track what is happening to you at the level of feelings. Now everyone objectively has reasons for various fears and anxieties. And it is important to separate one from the other.
Fear is a condition caused by a real disaster. Often it is he who makes us act. But if you’re just afraid and don’t change anything, it only burns your fuel. Ask yourself: what am I really afraid of?
When the main source of fear is named and worked out, it no longer takes so much effort to suppress it, you can interact with it and direct the released energy into a constructive channel.
Anxiety differs from fear in that it reflects a feeling of uncertainty, it is such a kind of “fear of expectations”. Its constructive function is to help a person to be in touch with reality. This means that an adequate level of conscious anxiety helps to sensibly assess risks and choose the appropriate tactics of behavior.
An interesting observation from experience: in the current crisis, one of the most common (and socially approved) means of dealing with unconscious anxiety has become … workaholism.
If 14-hour workdays with regular rush calls and late calls have become the norm in your company, “because there is a crisis and you need to work even harder,” see if your personal (as a leader, for example) or collective anxiety avoidance is behind this.
The body, as a rule, does not withstand work in emergency mode for a long time. And emotional burnout and physical exhaustion are definitely not what helps to strengthen immunity.
Analyze what is happening in the company. What do you not talk about with your employees? It may be worth initiating such communication with the help of HR, internal psychologists or coaches, or inviting an external specialist to help manifest and reduce anxiety in the team.
5. Am I free to choose my course?
One of the frequently encountered complaints in recent times is: «We have been deprived of our freedom.» Ask yourself: what is really limiting my freedom now? External circumstances, economic situation? Or maybe the reason for the feeling of lack of freedom lies in your beliefs?
Now is a great time to review your values. To what extent are your ideas about who you should be, what to do, with whom to spend time, where and how to live, etc. — how does it correspond to your true needs and desires? You act with a sense of inner “I want!” or are you trying to make up for the lack of approval or recognition, to prove your own importance?
Think of it like exploring a new area. Treat yourself very carefully, no judgments. When we remove the habitual masks and stop doing something as a “compensation”, we have the opportunity and inner freedom to realize what is closer to the nature of our true “I”.
6. Who is my team?
Perhaps, during the crisis, some of those whom you considered a friend or partner disappeared from your environment. It’s okay, don’t blame them or yourself. It’s time to take a closer look at your surroundings in all areas of life.
Who is really important and valuable to you? Who is really your like-minded person, and who was with you for the sake of benefit, status, etc.
Now everything superfluous disappears, including contacts. Keep clinging to them or letting go is your choice. Family and partnerships are a special topic. But in short, here is a simple tip: consider the circumstances as … an occasion to work on relationships.
Ask yourself: what does family mean to me, where is it? What is my relationship as a couple? With kids? What is the climate in my house? How can I change it? Give each other time that everyone could spend in solitude and take a break, agree on a redistribution of responsibilities. And look for a place for small common joys every day.
7. Can I ask for support?
If you decide to try on the role of a “superhero” in a crisis (or you tend to do this in life), be careful. An attempt to succeed on all fronts usually ends with either a nervous breakdown, or a gradual burnout, or a complete freeze of feelings.
Are you able to admit that now you are not able to cope with everything at the same time?
Alas, often the transition from “I am strong (s), I am all by myself” to accepting one’s vulnerability, limited resources and the need for outside support is a very difficult step. But it is he who is now needed in order not to burn out.
Tell yourself: I can also be imperfect (-s), I should not (-) do everything perfectly now. See how the level of internal stress will decrease. And there will be more ease.
8. Am I in touch with myself?
How often do you ask yourself: how do I feel? What is my body telling me? Incorporate practices into your schedule that work for you to help you be in the here-and-now.
It can be meditation, breathing and bodily practices, accessible physical activity, walks in nature. Whichever option you choose, do it consciously, directing your attention inward. Contact with yourself is a source of confidence and strength, which is especially needed in an era of change.
90% of people have a dream that can be fulfilled before the end of the week, and they make it a dream of a lifetime
9. What value will I get out of this situation?
Every crisis ends at some point. And there will definitely be more in the future. And each of us comes out of them with some baggage of our own experience.
They say that a samurai has no goal, he has a Way. Allow yourself to live this segment of your Path in trust in the world and, perhaps, find new life meanings.
Let go of hard goals, look for intentions in yourself, open up to new opportunities and resources. Often the puzzle only comes together when we look back.
Imagine that you meet yourself in a year or two. Ask yourself: what is this span of my life about? What is the meaning of what is happening for me personally? Allow yourself to accept what is happening around you and be surprised by what will change inside.
10. Am I postponing life for later?
There are no better circumstances for development than reality offers. Don’t expect ideal conditions.
Can’t travel abroad to your favorite resort? Go out of town and enjoy contact with nature.
Dreaming of learning how to draw, but waiting until you can go learn? Don’t wait — buy paints, turn on the online course — and start practicing right now.
They say that 90% of people have a dream that can be fulfilled before the end of the week, and they make it a dream of a lifetime. Implement, do, live. What is happening to you today is your life.
It is not known when and how this crisis will end and when the next wave will be. It is also unknown what exactly you will learn about yourself when you look for answers to these questions. But you will definitely not be the same and at least one step closer to your true «I».
And this is the inner resource that you can rely on to stay at the helm of your own life. Storm everyone now. How we get through this storm is everyone’s choice. Let him be aware.