According to Nikita Ivanov, the father of two kids, upbringing is a completely unnecessary waste of strength and energy. And now we will tell you why.
Usually mothers write about how to raise children correctly. The dads in these stories remain in the background. No, they are curtsy, they recognize the importance of the paternal role. But – in the background. And then we came across 11 parental commandments, compiled by the father of two children, Nikita Ivanov. He posted the rules on his , and we with the entire editorial staff of Woman’s Day simply could not pass by – these postulates are painfully beautiful.
No, Nikita is not a worldwide luminary of pedagogical science. But he is a practicing parent. Together with his wife Catherine, they are raising their son Leo, who is 2 years and 7 months old, and baby Eva, who is only half a year old.
– Before the birth of Leo, I tried to read several books about education, and then somehow it went, it went, and it was not up to that, – said Nikolai.
And finally, he decided to summarize his parenting experience and share it with all of us.
So, let’s go.
0. Children do not need to be raised especially, they will cope themselves.
1. Restrictions should mainly relate to the safety and personal freedom of others. You can lick the closet, you can pour kefir into your pasta, you can not eat. You can’t interfere with your father’s work, you can’t scream when others are asleep. There should be fewer restrictions, they should be as clear and simple as possible. With everything else, let the child experiment freely.
2. Punishments must be known in advance and must be inevitable. In short, completely predictable. An unclear or faulty causal relationship shatters the nerves of both children and parents. Including the story when children’s snot and tears touch the parents so much that they cancel the punishment. Every now and again. The child will understand that tears “work” and will continue with success. And further. Parental screams and a fierce facial expression are not part of the punishment, but the symptoms with which an adult should run to a psychiatrist.
3. Mom and Dad are always at the same time. Mom punished by taking the toy, which means that it was necessary. No, dad will not return the toy either, you will see it tomorrow. Yes, daddy loves you too. And mother. No, you won’t see the toy, you know our rules. Yes, you won’t be like that anymore, no question at all, but you will play with the toy tomorrow. (We recently got a shelf for arrested toys. Very convenient, nothing gets confused.)
4. An older child should never be told that he is an older child and therefore must this and that (help, give in, give the most delicious, wait on the sidelines). Firstly, it spoils his childhood and relationship with the younger. Secondly, he should not do anything like that, because he was not born first of his own free will.
5. The more hysterical and restless the child behaves, the calmer and more consistent the adult.
6. You can never frighten children with anything at all. Mom will stop loving, the policeman will take it, the neighbor will come and scold you, we will leave and leave you alone – a full bottom. I will not explain. I vie for the forced hospitalization of idiots who maim children with this.
7. Do not compare. “Masha at the age of 2 speaks briskly and reads poetry from the stool.” “Andrey swims better”. “Christina doesn’t fight and gets along with everyone.” In general, do not care. Good luck and stay there! If you wish the children happiness, and not high marks, then all this nonsense is not needed for him. Aligning with others breaks people’s brains and self-confidence. A black belt is when you don’t even want to say: “You are my best!” Because “best” is a comparison, yeah ?
8. Give a choice and teach you to listen to your desires. Indecisive and unhappy adults grow out of children for whom everything was carefully decided in childhood and did not ask what they wanted. In fact, you can choose almost everything: porridge, toys, a cartoon, a book, clothes, a weekend plan. Use it! The choice should be real, and not as in the fictional phrase of Henry Ford: “The color of the car can be any, provided that this color is black.” Letting everything break and spoil is also useful – stock up on what you do not mind. The more a child makes decisions with his head, the better he will be in 20 years.
9. “Do this” doesn’t work. Personal example – gradually begins to work.
10. Love is not part of the deal. Parents love a child not for success, good behavior, justifying expectations (what, in fig, expectations? This is a different person!) And other such nonsense. They just love him, without conditions.
(Can we omit the clause that children cannot be humiliated or beaten and can be put in jail for this?)
– Some of these principles work better for us, others are given with great difficulty. But I see progress. I think in 10 years the list of principles will increase by another 5-6, – Nikita concludes the post.
What do you think? Do you agree? Or are they all just words that are too difficult to follow in practice?