Contents
Hello! A woman’s self-esteem is the foundation on which relationships are built, both with others and with herself. It is self-respect that prevents others from mistreating you. For some reason, it is customary in society to confuse and mix these concepts with pride or arrogance. Yes, some flirt and mask their anxieties, complexes. But today we will look at what this beautiful phrase actually means. And also find out what needs to be done to become more confident and stable.
Components
Let’s take a closer look at what is included in this phrase «self-esteem.»
Value
Such a woman does not need constant confirmation of others that she is attractive, smart, interesting, developed, and so on. She loves herself, accepts the way she is. And if some character trait ceases to suit, or the usual type of behavior does not give the expected results, he starts working on himself. Because he knows that all external changes in life begin initially with internal changes. When views on life are revised, something is realized. So, even if you offend her, she definitely will not worry and believe in what has been said, because she knows and appreciates her personality.
Independence
She knows how to solve her problems. But at the same time, he knows how to ask for help if he understands that he is unable to cope with something. She does not enter into a relationship just to feel secure, safe. Yes, it is also important for her to receive it from a man, but in which case, she is able to cope on her own with various adversities. Because he doesn’t like to feel helpless. As well as not waiting for a handsome prince, who will solve all the difficulties instead of her.
Self-sufficiency
Knows how to be alone. Without running headlong somewhere. And he really knows how to enjoy being alone with himself. When necessary, he gets along well with others. And he tries to organize his life so that there is an emphasis on quality, not quantity.
If there is no person nearby with whom it is warm and close, she will be alone until she meets someone with whom she can and wants to build relationships. And not only love or family. If you are already next to such a woman, then be sure that you are important to her. She probably won’t waste time with those with whom it’s not interesting and stressful.
You can read more about self-sufficiency here.
Fortitude
A dependent and insecure girl, if she is mistreated, tends to win favor with good behavior. She is trying to do something so that the offender realizes his mistakes and understands how good and beautiful she really is, and stops behaving like that with her. The same, which has self-esteem, does not fall for such manipulations. On the contrary, she distances herself and tries to minimize contact with such a person, because she knows that it is pointless to please and adapt.
Interest
A mature woman with self-respect has a hobby, and an interest in life. She wants to learn new things, strive to develop and grow spiritually. That is why there is something to talk about with her and it is never boring. She does not sacrifice personal time, because she knows that if she does not rest, family relationships will deteriorate, and this will also negatively affect her health. It does not allow you to violate personal boundaries, neither yours nor those of others. For example, some couples, as a sign of love for each other, start a common mail, social network page or passwords. This causes a merger, because of which it then becomes unbearable next to each other, because it is difficult to distinguish where whose desires, ideas and thoughts are.
Ways to raise your dignity
Stop manipulation
In psychology, there is such a term, perverted narcissist. He characterizes a person as a manipulator who seeks to hurt others. Because it feels pleasure and enjoyment. Power, control and a sense of omnipotence. He loves to play, and does not know how to get close, open up, trust.
So, no one is immune from meeting with him, and even the most strong-willed individuals can fall into a trap. Especially if the narcissist succeeds in discovering the weak point of his victim. But you should not be afraid, to cope with it, in principle, you can. At the very least, to stay with a whole and unharmed self-esteem for sure. In this article, you will find a more detailed description of this personality type, as well as methods to help protect against it.
Development of sensitivity
Listen to your feelings and desires. Because if you ignore them, even the closest people will eventually start doing it. If only because they will not always be aware of what you want and what is not. Only we are responsible for the fulfillment of our desires and needs, no one is obliged to do this for us. It is for this reason that you develop sensitivity.
Ask yourself at least several times a day what is happening to you at the moment, what you would like. Before going to bed, analyze what good things happened during the day, what upset you, and what, on the contrary, made you happy. Be open in communication. Rather, learn to speak directly. If you don’t like something, say it softly and delicately, do not allow yourself or others to treat you the way you don’t like it. You do not have to suffer, endure and suffer. You have the right to live an interesting and exciting life.
Respect
I do not believe that there is a person in the world who does not have the slightest reason to be respected. But there are just a lot of worthy individuals who ignore and devalue their achievements. Character and actions cannot be one-sided, only negative. There are polar qualities, and even a homicidal maniac, unless, of course, he is a psychopath, is capable of doing good. So stop thinking that you’re not doing well and that in general, you are not as capable, beautiful, and so on, like the rest. You are special.
If you don’t know yourself very well, get to know each other better. And be sure to praise and appreciate. Right now, take a sheet with a pen and write down 10 qualities, skills that you can be proud of. And also 10 points that you would like to learn. Only not just something unreal, but really something that you will surely devote time and effort to. And so write out every day for a week. It is advisable to keep these sheets in front of your eyes as a reminder of your uniqueness.
And, most importantly, rejoice in successes and achievements. Praising yourself is not a sin, and even boasting. The main thing is not to overdo it. After all, why else would we go out? How will we get recognition if others don’t know that we’re good at something?
Search for reasons
It is important to investigate and find out from what moment your relationship with yourself deteriorated, when you realized that you were not as good as others, that you were not so confident in your abilities. Maybe in childhood, parents didn’t really indulge in attention, or it didn’t work out to get praise from them. Maybe someone at school managed to hurt you so badly emotionally that you shut down and started letting others hurt you. After all, boys show sympathy mainly with the help of teasers, because they don’t yet understand that this should be done so that the girl they like notices them.
There can be many reasons, and each person has their own life story, experience and trauma. Think about a time in your life when you became acutely aware of anxiety and insecurity. If possible, you can share with someone close to you some situation from the past. Having received support and looking a little differently at what happened, you can free yourself from accumulated anxieties and worries.
Dependence
If you feel that you are dependent on the opinions of others, start working on yourself. Because every time you communicate, you will “fall out” into the position of the victim. And this, by no means, will help to grow and develop confidence, inner strength and stability. So you run the risk of always glossing over tension and what you don’t like. Stop pleasing others, love and recognition can be obtained without even giving up your «I». For more information on how to do this, please click on this link.
Completion
I also recommend reading an article about guilt and methods of getting rid of.
And that’s all for today, dear readers! Think about who serves as an example for you, and every time you don’t understand what to do, fantasize about what this woman, who definitely has self-esteem, would do in your situation. Good luck and happiness to you!
The material was prepared by a psychologist, Gestalt therapist, Zhuravina Alina.