Contents
In an effort to raise leaders and geniuses, parents try different methods and techniques. For the happiness and psychological health of the child, something else is needed.
Parental functions have changed over the past 10-15 years. The requirements for modern mothers and fathers are higher. Yes, and the children have become different, accelerated in everything. This is how they are born. They develop faster, they master everything faster, they feel more subtle. It is in this that labor, time, love should be invested, the seeds of cognitive interest and thirst for movement should be sown. And then in the future the child will have wonderful fruits of your efforts.
1. Be interesting for the child
As soon as you stop in your development, the child immediately loses interest in you as a source. In this sense, children are the best teachers for adults, motivators and a reason to improve. Do not dismiss questions, learn new things together, improve your own knowledge and share it with your child, discuss with him. And then, even in the difficult period of puberty, you will remain an authority for your son or daughter.
What is dangerous transitional age? Teenagers are attracted to strength and authority. And if they are not in the family, they will find them somewhere else, and most often it will be a dubious or even dangerous source. Authority must be won not through punishment, but through communication, thanks to sincerity and openness, forming a safe space of trust and unconditional love. If the importance and authority of the parent falls, the child simply “leaves” the space of the family. And then it is already useless to moralize, talk about good and bad, threaten and demand. This is no longer education, but going beyond the child-parent relationship.
2. Become a source of information
Children need information. Hence the interest in tablets, laptops, smartphones. Gadgets make life easier for parents. But children, especially at the age of 2-3 years, easily get hooked on them, dependence is formed. The trouble is that access to information through this channel is very simple, which means that its value is nominal. The world is not getting wider, but narrower. And most importantly, what kind of world is this? Virtual, which means far from the real.
Availability kills interest. What was the value of knowledge a hundred years ago? It was difficult to obtain and obtain them. In order to achieve something in the information field, one had to at least work hard, reach the library, shovel through a huge amount of literature, comprehend and isolate the essence. And now it is enough for a child to make two clicks to get everything on a silver platter, or rather, on a tablet.
It is you, and not the tablet, that should become a source of new and interesting things for the child.
With little effort or resources, the child gets used to what the world owes him. A selfish system of consumption is being formed. The reaction to refusals or the inability to quickly get what you want is manifested in misunderstanding and aggression, which in adolescence results in conflict with parents.
Therefore, it is you, and not the tablet, that should become a source of new and interesting things for the child. He should look at the animals not on the screen of the gadget, but in the zoo, where his mom and dad brought him. Expand your horizons through movement, movement, curiosity. This forms the communication system. Otherwise, how will he learn to interact with the world if he sees it only on the tablet screen?
3. Develop emotional intelligence
Even when the child is very small, you need to teach him to express desires and needs, at least by word imitation. At senior preschool age, be sure to name and pronounce emotions, help children learn the vocabulary of feeling. For example: “I am sad”, “I am hungry”, “I am tired”, “I am uncomfortable”, “I am upset”, “I am happy”. Did the child fall and get hurt? Do not rush to hug and regret. Let him express whatever he feels. This is a huge event in his little life. This is how you teach him communication. “I feel – I say – it’s safe.” Here is an important meaning chain that should be formed at an early age.
Learn to feel with your child. Don’t just turn on the TV for him, but sit down and watch a cartoon together. Watch him, participate in the processes of living the plot. After some time, you can return to the discussion by examining the emotional resource. Share your experience: “I was scared when I saw this cartoon for the first time as a child.” This is a great opportunity to explore you, accept a different experience.
You need to stop living in the security system of the body, forgetting about feelings
Teaching a child to express emotions is one of the most important functions of parents. All the grievances that we “drag” into adulthood come from the inability to explain what we feel and what we want. An unpleasant discovery can happen: it turns out that not everything can be achieved with the help of manipulations and insults, and this causes painful impotence, loss of meaning, the consciousness of the victim is formed (“no one understands me”, “the whole world is against it”).
We are accustomed to think: well-fed means happy. This is an anachronism. You need to stop living in the security system of the body, forgetting about feelings. The suppression of the sensory sphere leads to the fact that the teenager does not understand who he is and what he is interested in. Parents run to a psychologist: “He does not want anything, is not interested in anything.”
Did you just see him for the first time yesterday? Do you know this semi-adult person at all? Why is he closed in on himself? Because they did not listen to him, did not allow him to express feelings, were not interested in opinion, were not allowed to make decisions, humiliated and suppressed, did not listen to desires. And now you want him to become an adult overnight and magically learn all this, in one day after a sincere conversation with his parents? Alas, it won’t work.
4. Do not replace the spiritual with the material
Modern parents cannot spend much time with their children and try to compensate for the lack of communication with material things: new sneakers, tablets, toys. Hence spoiled, whims, tantrums. In fact, this is a cry for love, a demand to receive and express it. Having received a refusal to satisfy “I want and give,” the child interprets it as “they don’t love me.” Do not substitute or confuse the concepts of love and care with material substitutes. Share the feelings and needs of the ego.
You don’t have to spend all your time with your child. It is important to surround him with attention every day. Let it be only an hour a day, but just a wonderful hour. Make it a rule to devote at least 12% of your time to something new every day: learning new information about the world, physical activity, emotions, knowledge, music. This algorithm will provide a good resource for interacting with the child.
5. Listen to the child
Everyone needs to know that they will be heard and understood. Even if there are seven children in the family, everyone should have time for personal communication with their mother, at least an hour a week. The time when mom exists only for him, when he fully owns his mother’s attention. Call it “mom’s day” or “mom’s hour” (and “dad’s,” of course). This is how the child learns to plan his life: “I can speak out, mom / dad will listen and give advice.” This should continue into adolescence.
You can’t talk to your child while doing your own business: cooking, cleaning, ironing, watching the news. In this case, you turn your back on your son or daughter, which means you turn away from his problems and experiences. It is necessary to look into the eyes, to be on the same level. Don’t hang over like a jailer. Whatever happens, eye-to-eye contact ensures safety.
Evaluate the actions, not the child. Everyone has the right to make mistakes, gain experience
Everything you feel towards him, say in the first person: “I’m upset that you’re sick.” Do not say: “You are my poor, unfortunate, sick.” So we hang labels, and the child receives a secondary benefit from situations. He quickly forms a simple chain of receiving love and attention from his mother.
Do not say “you are bad”, say: “This act upset not only me, but also the teacher.” “These are stupid words”, not “you are talking nasty things.” Evaluate actions, not the child himself. Everyone has the right to make mistakes, gain experience.
6. Let your child enjoy childhood
Developing courses, sections, circles, preparation for school, many get hung up on the idea of raising a child to be a genius, a leader, a new Lomonosov. The number of “devils” is directly proportional to the complexes of the parents. In the XVIII-XIX centuries there were no baby clubs, but even without them, writers, artists, and scientists appeared. Let the child live his childhood organically and find himself. If a child with linguistic inclinations is taken to gymnastics or karate, this will provide him with psychosomatic illnesses in the future. You just need to be attentive, watch what the child likes, give the opportunity to try, maintain interest.
It is not worth taking away childhood and scoring the whole day with developmental activities. A preschooler should have 70% (!) Free time. This is the time when he begins to create and fantasize. Without a creative element, you will grow a biorobot with an installed program.
7. Keep your word
It is unlikely that someone needs to be explained that it is impossible to raise a hand against a child. And as for punishments-threats, if you do not fulfill them, they lose their power. If you set limits, be consistent and go all the way. Say once, do twice.
Many parents only promise: “If you misbehave, let’s go home.” If you don’t, your words will be worthless. The child will simply be “noisy” with endless threats. Words must be backed up by action: “We’re leaving because you’re screaming.” But before you threaten, think ten times.
8. Let him be wrong
A happy child can be recognized by how fearlessly he makes mistakes, looks for options and solutions, joins in everything with enthusiasm and curiosity, without fear of being ridiculed or humiliated. How is it formed? Only the wisdom and cordiality of adults and teachers.
Finnish teachers, when they see that an example is solved incorrectly, say: “What a wonderful mistake.” Without errors, it is impossible to find the right solution. And when they are scolded for them, it simply blocks all cognitive motives.
9. Just love the baby
Everything is easier than it seems. The main thing you can do is just love and talk about it. Do not be afraid to fall in love: love cannot be too much. Do not sell love for the fact that he is an obedient, intelligent, cultured, but simply a convenient child. This forms a neurotic type of worldview, low self-esteem. The child begins to ask himself: “Am I worthy of love / candy / high salary?” Ultimately, this results in an inferiority complex and life’s troubles.