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How to raise a boss, but not make a child selfish.
Now it has become fashionable to allow children almost everything. It is believed that in this way the child increases his self-esteem and will definitely not be notorious. All parents want their beloved child to be successful and achieve a lot in life. Unfortunately, it often happens that permissiveness and excessive admiration make a child not a leader, but a great egoist. How to avoid these parenting mistakes?
Woman’s Day has studied the works of psychologists and has collected 5 tips to help educate a leader. But note: there are pitfalls in each. If you smoothly go around them, then you get a leader with a human face, and not a selfish tyrant.
The child should feel loved. And they love it just like that, without any “if”. This is the most important condition for educating a leader.
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Love should be unconditional, but not blind. If a child is dirty, acts badly, of course, you can’t let it go on the brakes.
If any toy, candy, attractions in the park are immediately presented to the child at his first call, the boundaries of what is permitted are erased from him. If he lives according to the principle “I want! Buy it! Give! ”, This means that the child’s egoism began to manifest itself in full force.
2. Positive reinforcement
Create a positive and optimistic spirit in your family. Do not repeat to the child every five minutes: “You can’t!”, “Don’t touch!”, “Bad!”, “Don’t try!” Such statements are called negative reinforcement and have a bad effect on the psyche and character of the child. And the phrase “You are bad” is better to forget at once.
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Forgetting to scold a child does not mean ignoring inappropriate behavior. So you will bring up a spoiled dirty trick for sure. The way out is to create positive reinforcement. That is, the lectures should sound something like this: “You are a good child, I love you very much, but now you have acted badly.” Show that you are upset. The kid loves you and will not want to do bad things anymore.
Remember, you are a team. By supporting your child in his endeavors, thereby you bring up his self-confidence. Celebrate his successes and achievements. And if something doesn’t work out, teach him not to get upset. Be assured that everything will work out, although not immediately.
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If something does not work out for the child, do not rush to help him at the same second. Let him handle adversity on his own. Otherwise, you will grow up an infantile creature, accustomed to the fact that adults always correct, rake and decide everything.
Does your child want to attend a club or perform in public? Support him on the path to self-realization. To get started, read together on the Internet about this sport (art, etc.), learn about the possible difficulties of this direction, about the prospects. Let the child think about his decision seriously enough so that his “I want!” very quickly it was not replaced by the word “Tired”. If he really wants to join the circle, please encourage such desires.
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By the way, about incentives … A child should not have material incentives for success and efforts. Once you ask your child to wash the dishes for candy or some kind of money, he will no longer perform his household duties for free.
5. Learn to keep your word, listen and hear
The leader is responsible for his words. Many parents forgive their little children for frivolous lies, but big lies grow out of small ones. From childhood, a child must understand that one cannot deceive.
The leader knows how to listen and hear. An important trait for a leader is listening and hearing criticism. At the same time, he should not take offense at her, cry and huddle in a corner; it is necessary to draw constructive conclusions. Explain to your child that if they are told, they need to think about how to prevent it from happening again. A person who does not accept criticism, does not want to listen to it and draw conclusions, thereby shows the weakness of his soul and obvious selfishness.
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Don’t forget your own example! Remember: children do not care what you say, children care about what you do. The child will act exactly as you do, do not even hesitate!