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Our brain is programmed for emotional “infection”: the presence of even one positive person in a team can infect everyone else with optimism. Similarly, we can pick up panic, anxiety, and apathy, much like secondhand smoke from cigarette smoke. But the negative influence can be resisted. Psychologist Sean Achor has compiled his manual on protection against «dark forces».
1. Dig a moat
A house surrounded by a deep moat is the perfect metaphor for the type of defense I use on a daily basis. Studies show that the negative information we receive from the media not only instantly increases our stress levels, but also causes huge damage to our motivation and potential. Even three minutes spent watching bad news in the morning can determine our emotional state for the rest of the day. They increase the likelihood that 27-6 hours later we will evaluate our day as unlucky by 8%. It’s like taking poison every morning and thereby depriving yourself of energy, achievements and poisoning all your interactions with people.
I strongly recommend you my way: no media before breakfast and in the evening after going to bed. By «media» I mean all the news, letters, social networks, not only on a computer, smartphone, TV, but anywhere else. According to research, any bedtime message, positive or negative, brings the brain back to wakefulness and, on average, «costs» as much as an hour of sleep at night.
In addition, turn off alerts and push notifications on your phone and browser. The fewer alerts you receive, the less resources you spend on resisting those distractions.
2. Build a mental fortress
Misfortune and difficult life situations cannot be avoided, but there are several ways to prepare for them psychologically and emotionally.
Practicing gratitude. It allows you to remain calm, collected and not panic in conditions of tremendous stress and unforeseen disaster. Try starting or ending each day by showing appreciation for someone or something. This daily practice is one example of mental support.
Priority optimism. When I’m having a terrible day, I’m very upset or depressed, I try to remember three good things that happened in the last 24 hours. Not only does this switch my brain to the positive, but it also provides much-needed reinforcement to get through the day’s events. Setting the brain to optimism strengthens psychological resilience and makes us more productive.
Neutralization of the negative. Research shows that very often the first comment in a negotiation determines the outcome. We need tools to neutralize the influence of a person who sets an angry, tense, or competitive tone in communications. Before the other person starts complaining about stress and fatigue or says that he is counting the minutes until the end of the working day, take a deep breath and say: «I’m glad you called.» Or, “I love working with you so much.” When answering the question «How are you?», refrain from complaining and say something positive, such as: «Today everything is fine» or «How nice it is outside.» So you immediately translate the conversation into a positive direction.
3. Learn the art of psychological aikido
By turning stress into an enemy, we are essentially arming it. My team and I did a study showing that perceiving stress as a threat dramatically increases its negative impact on the body and negatively impacts creativity, performance, and productivity. But it turns out that stress can not only not deplete our potential, but also feed it.
The main thing is to develop a positive attitude towards it, that is, perceive it as a challenge, not a threat. How to do it? Apply the principle of aikido: do not ignore stress, but redirect it in the direction you need. Have you noticed that people in boring jobs never experience stress? Do you want to become one of them? I guess not. Even in the worst scenario, stress is still better than indifference and apathy.
We tense up because of the things we really care about. For example, if I worry about whether I will have time to finish my scientific work on time, it is only because I passionately want the book to fall into the hands of readers. When you notice that you are starting to feel stressed, ask yourself, “Why is this so important to me?” Consider why this bothers you.
Learn to treat mistakes and failures as springboards for growth.
Psychological aikido is a way to redirect energy to what you attach importance to. As Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D., says, “The pursuit of meaning is healthier than trying to avoid discomfort.”
Pay attention to how you describe stressful events. When you get home, talk about the challenges you have experienced, not as something annoying and overwhelming, but as an opportunity to make new connections, learn something new, or increase potential. Even if you don’t feel it at first, the words you use will slowly change your attitude and perception.
Another technique is to change the very perception of failure. Learn to treat mistakes and failures as a springboard for growth, and then they will become a source of energy and motivation for you.
4. Take a break from problems
From childhood, we are told that we should not avoid problems. As a scientist, I disagree. You should at least put off their decision for a while — this can give one of the biggest competitive advantages.
According to US Travel statistics, Americans take fewer vacations today than they did in the previous 40 years. Two out of five employees refuse vacation because they have too much work to do. But one of the two main benefits of a vacation is the subsequent increase in productivity. If you don’t go on vacation, you will have to work hard anyway, but by recharging your batteries, you will complete tasks much faster.
Plan your vacation a month in advance and prepare your colleagues for your absence
An important nuance: a vacation will make you feel happier, energize, make you more productive and stress-resistant only if you organize it correctly. Four rules must be followed:
- Plan your vacation a month in advance and prepare your colleagues for your absence.
- Get out of town — the further the better.
- Find someone who knows the place you are going to well and will show you everything that deserves attention.
- Prepare documents in advance.
5. Prioritize
We hear a lot about the importance of perseverance and endurance, these qualities are directly associated with productivity and success. But while stamina is important, it doesn’t always determine the best course of action. It happens that we persist in achieving the goal for too long, we constantly stumble and fall in the same place. So we miss other opportunities and waste time that could be better spent.
The one who throws sometimes wins. Some things cannot be fixed, no matter how powerful the tools we have. If you are neglected and underestimated at work, you don’t need to learn to be defensive, you just need another job. If you’re being abused in a relationship, you don’t need a stress shot—you need to get out of it. If you wake up every morning and realize that your career is not leading you to what you dream of, you don’t need a vacation, you need to look for another way.
Do not wait. The deeper you «dig in», the more difficult it will be to get out of these trenches. Be honest with yourself. Rather than fight a hopeless battle to the bitter end, it is better to engage in a new battle and win.
Source: Sh. Eikor’s book “Great Potential. How to achieve success together with those who are nearby” (MIF, 2019).