How to protect a child from “death groups”?
Sociologists, having interviewed thousands of respondents, came to the conclusion that the reasons why children decide to take a terrible step are not at all on the Internet.
The results of an online study by the Platform for Social Design Center disagree with the opinion that dangerous publics have unlimited power over teenagers. 74% of the population of our country believes that the main reason is family problems, and the introduction of restrictions on the Internet for children will not give the desired result. Is this so, Woman’s Day asked the psychologist Elena Shamova.
– I share this point of view, – says Elena. – If a child has a warm relationship with his parents, brothers-sisters, no “whales” and “sharks” are afraid of him. The child appreciates life, values it, he has something (the joy of being) and whom (loved ones) to lose. Indeed, in order for a person to commit suicide, some events must occur in real life. Therefore, the task of parents is to be attentive, to try to notice negative changes in the behavior and mood of children. Because when depression is of a protracted nature, the child ceases to see a way out of the situation, and he does not trust mom and dad, then a decision to leave this life may arise.
Depression-prone adolescents can be easily distinguished from the crowd. They are usually not particularly talkative, stoop, as if withdrawing into themselves, often in a depressed mood, as if they were deprived of something or offended at someone, cynical, with depressive notes in their voice, they like dark colors and the same gloomy jokes. Vivid tantrums are rare among them. They can be outcasts in the company who are constantly bullied, or simply not found their role in the classroom. Sometimes a child draws attention to himself with poor studies, truancy – this is how he broadcasts what he cannot say. And here it is important to assess the depth of the problem, to find the roots of what is happening.
Special attention is paid to the transitional age of the child. Hormones, emotional instability, first falling in love and able to raise an elephant from a fly. Because of this, tensions arise with parents, who may not always realize the unexpected “adulthood” and independence of their 14-year-old “baby”. On the one hand, it is necessary to give freedom to a teenager, taking into account his new interests, and on the other, to understand that if there is too much of it, he begins to suffer, feeling abandoned. Try to find a middle ground.
You are my friend and I am your friend
How to build a trusting relationship with your son or daughter? Only through the habit of communicating normally. It is difficult, but possible. Often, parents come to adolescence with their own bouquet of problems. Dad is experiencing a midlife crisis, mom is experiencing menopause, plus the tense situation in the country, the exchange rate of the ruble … In a word, the neurosis of a metropolis. Chronically tired, disgruntled parents work around the clock. The relationship with the child is reduced to the formal “How are you at school?”, “Did your homework?”, “How long do you sit on the Internet?” The question makes the child make excuses, and this does not add warmth to the relationship.
In some families it is customary to keep secrets before going to bed, in others – to go out to cafes on weekends … Start your own communication rituals! Interest in the child’s life should be sincere, an indifferent look will not force you to open your soul. And forget, at least for a while, about your controlling function. Choose neutral topics for discussion, and if the child wants to open up, he will do it without pressure. Remember, it is important to get involved in his life – to find out what kind of music he listens to, what he reads, with whom he is friends. But do not smother with love and attention, just be near, as with a friend, without violating or destroying personal boundaries.
Generate a role for the child that will raise his authority and value in the family. For example, participating in a weekly discussion of the family budget (“You are already an adult, we cannot do without your opinion”) or leading some important process. At the same time, without shifting the functions of a parent to him, for example, caring for a younger brother or sister. This can crush, but we need to solve another problem – to form an inner adult, that part of the personality that is responsible for actions and their consequences.
Emphasize adult character traits: independence, strength, stamina in a boy, cleanliness, and the ability to cook in a girl. Thank you for your initiative and willingness to help. If a child does not want to go into the category of adults – grimaces, jokes, behaves irresponsibly – show him the advantages of adulthood. Tell us about the rights that he now has. For example, you can go to bed later, go to the movies on your own, etc.
Modern children, due to heavy loads and endless demands at school and clubs, get tired. If there was a breakdown, the light at the end of the tunnel disappeared, create an intermediate target. And motivate for achievements! Then it will be easier for the child to run this marathon.
Children disappear on the Internet for a reason, they find something for themselves there. For some, this is entertainment (“boring to live”), for others, a vital way to relax after school negativity, for others, it’s getting away from reality (the autism effect – I see nothing, I don’t hear anything, I don’t want to know anything). The latter is especially true for families where scandals regularly arise and contact is broken.
And for the fourth, this is a space where you can try on a different role, feel like the main thing in a virtual “war”. Immerse yourself in the game with your child, then you will definitely understand him better. “Really cool! – tell. – Do you want to experience the same emotions in laser tag? ” Offer your child something that interests him.
Build any dialogues in a calm tone, without offending the child. If passions run high and you got nasty in response, it means that the child copied this situation from you, do not blame me. And do not try to be offended, do not generate a guilt complex in the child. He will think that he infinitely does not meet your expectations, thereby devaluing himself as an individual (“Give birth to me again, I will be different”). As they say, educate, do not educate, the child will still grow up like you.