Why should a man try on fatherhood if the child has not yet been born or is not yet in the plans? Male involvement reduces postpartum depression and helps prevent domestic abuse. This improves the relationship of new parents and creates a safe and comfortable environment for the baby, says psychiatrist Matthew Roberts.
Becoming a father is an important and psychologically difficult step for many. They need information and advice. But the main thing is communication with other fathers, because in families in which fathers take part in upbringing, children develop better. If the father is physically and intellectually present at home, he is involved in family life, relations between parents become warmer, and children behave better.
My experience with perinatal psychiatry shows that children recover faster if the mother’s postpartum depression can be prevented or treated early. Unfortunately, we have to deal with manifestations of cruelty in the family: fathers intimidate and control relatives and harm them. There is no excuse for this behavior, but we are working hard to change it.
We are trying to find explanations for this behavior. Most of these fathers complain of stress, illness, isolation, and powerlessness. They do not have a close relationship with their families.
The full participation of fathers in family life is beneficial for everyone. But don’t turn it into a 24/7 job.
How to connect fathers to family affairs? It is necessary that their participation is considered normal and expected, supported by society. Even at school, children need to be taught about the importance of healthy parental involvement. Boys should think that after some time they will become men and fathers. The more educated they are, the more likely they are to one day meet a woman they respect and want to take care of.
The education of future fathers needs to become the norm, it should include discussion groups where you can connect with others. A man’s experience of giving birth and helping the mother of his child is no less important than the mother’s. We need to share with each other the impressions of the first days when fathers take care of the newborn and his mother.
When the child is brought home, parents need to meet with other moms and dads from time to time. Separate paternal and maternal groups are more effective than mixed groups, they give a sense of security and unity. It can also be online associations where fathers will share information.
My clinical experience is that most fathers are initially reluctant to date others, but then come to appreciate the opportunity to hear from others about the problems of family life at various stages. And they can’t be stopped: they walk together with strollers and communicate online.
In the workplace, too, attention should be paid to fathers. This is not only about choosing a convenient time for vacation, flexible schedules and the ability to work from home, but also about programs to take care of men’s health and family well-being.
You don’t have to wait until the Christmas party to get fathers and kids working together to play. Employers should invest in men who are preparing to become fathers, because they will become the most loyal and motivated employees. If the worker feels a balance between home and work, he will reduce the level of stress, which is associated with many diseases. This means that he will be less likely to go on sick leave, productivity will increase. In this situation, both parties win.
Full participation of fathers in family life is beneficial for everyone, but it should not be turned into a 24/7 job. Do not forget about intimate life. Dates between spouses can take place not only when the grandmother agrees to stay with her grandchildren, but also when the children go to classes. It is important that a man feels himself not only a father and «provider», but also a beloved and desired husband.
About the Expert: Matthew Roberts is a psychiatrist.