How to prepare a child for kindergarten?

It is important that psychologists answered this question not only as professionals, but also as mothers who once also sent their children to kindergarten.

Anastasia Maslennikova, children’s analyst. If we are talking about a regular kindergarten, and not a short stay group, in addition to self-care skills, a certain degree of “separation” from the mother, a willingness to be without her and be sure of the constancy of her love (what we call “separation”) will be important to the child . Unseparated children find a substitute for their mother in the form of a teacher and begin to depend heavily on her (whether she came or not, whether she pays attention, in what mood, and so on). Such children do not play with other children, spend time on the windowsill, rush to every mother who comes, do not eat anything and often get sick. This is the first. Second. The child has every right not to want to go to the garden and express his negative emotions, and we, mothers, need to be ready to accept his feelings. What is it about? About crying at the moment of parting (in the first three months the child must be consoled, but not “behaved”), about illnesses (every now I hear unacceptable things from mothers: “What are you sneezing for?” or “Are you coughing again?” ), about unwillingness to sleep, let go of mom. The child needs an adaptation period, and such reactions are normal.

What shouldn’t parents do?

• Do not leave the children at once for a full day, accustom them to the garden gradually (my daughter went to 2,4 years old and did not sleep in the garden until May, although everyone slept and the teachers asked every day when she would stay).
• Do not scold for “wet pants” and unwillingness to lie quietly (I did not focus on this at all, but nodded and smiled at the teachers, realizing that this was temporary).
• Do not force to eat/eat. Even if the educators will press. For example, every day I specifically said: “I won’t eat porridge.”
• Do not ask questions from the series: “Well, how did you behave?” The child needs to share their experiences, not report. Try to ask: “What did you do today in the garden?”, “How did you spend your day?”, that is, to be interested not in how the child complies with the norms in the garden, but in the feelings and problems of the child.
• Be sure to discuss with the child what is happening in the garden, to feel the situation, to mirror his feelings. My daughter in the first hour of the first day in the garden bit the teacher. They called me and I picked it up. It turns out that they were immediately taken to wash their hands, and without asking, they took her by the hand. And this was her natural reaction to a stranger who violated the boundaries. Boundaries in the garden are constantly violated, and it is important for the parent to help the child cope with this.

As for the common recommendation – to look for the right teacher or a good kindergarten – I don’t really understand how to do this. The opinions of mothers about educators are very contradictory. I believe that in difficult situations it will immediately be clear that a child cannot be left with this teacher. In other cases, this is always a compromise, and the parent plays the role of a buffer between the caregivers and the child, keeping abreast of every day. Interestingly, our caregivers are not as monsters as they might seem. They carry children (even 3-4-year-olds) in their arms, kiss, comb their hair, and are ready to help at the moment of parting. However, one must understand that in our Russian style of education, warmth is surprisingly combined with feeding through force, shouting and disrespect.

Anna Kucheryavenko, child psychologist, neuropsychologist. I gave my three children to the garden and realized that the mother should be the first to cook. It is important to understand that the gardens have changed and that each particular garden may have its own rules – it all depends on the personality of the head and educators. More information: calibrate your expectations with reality, get to know the caregivers, find out their personal attitudes, rules and regulations of the garden. It is also useful to know about your rights and obligations, which are spelled out in the documents that everyone has to sign, and they also illustrate the walls of the kindergarten itself (only for some reason many ignore them).

What else do you need to think about before you go in search of a garden?

• Why does the child go to kindergarten? Any arguments are accepted (including the fact that mom just needs her time, but there is no money for a nanny). The main thing is that these arguments exist.
• What should he get in the garden? Assess the reality of these plans. If, for example, you consider the main task to develop initiative, creativity, then you must understand that most ordinary gardens cannot give this. And therefore, you either give up your ideas, or refuse a garden, or select a paid garden with such an orientation, or look for a compromise – you yourself invest in the development of these qualities at home.
• To what extent does the gardening routine of the day fit in with the family habits (wake up time, lunchtime nap, bedtime at night)? If the family does not rebuild, then the child will suffer much more than it seems from the outside. You need to come to terms with the daily routine in the garden and adapt to it as much as possible.
• Is the food suitable for a child?
• How does the reward and punishment system work? What do you use yourself and how the educator will achieve the desired result. In fact, it often happens that what parents consider possible for themselves should not be done by educators. It is possible that the options that operate in the garden are not familiar to the child (although they are much better than those used at home), and this is an occasion to explain to him the behavior of the educator.

Second stage: preparation of the child. In my opinion, two points are important. Firstly, you need to talk about the garden (the daily routine, who is there (children, educators, helpers, guards …), talk about the hierarchy: who listens to whom, how to ask for help, how to protect yourself in social ways. Secondly, teach child’s self-care skills by age (use a spoon, ask / sit on the potty, wipe the buttocks, dress, know your clothes).

And finally, a very important thesis: NEVER ask a child if he wants to go to kindergarten if you are satisfied with only one option – “yes”.

Read more:

• 21 principles of good parenting through the eyes of a child

Galina Sudina, analytical psychologist. I have a positive experience with my second child. We escorted the eldest to the kindergarten, and the nanny gave the youngest porridge – the most ordinary garden porridge. And I said: “When you grow up, you will also go to kindergarten.” And the youngest was looking forward to it! And she calmly endured, without tears, her “exit”.

Marianna Verkhova, child analytical psychologist. In my opinion, it is necessary to prepare mother for the fact that it will not be easy. It all starts with adaptation, which takes place in different ways. Tears and illnesses are natural companions of children of the younger group. The child, if possible, needs to be taught to eat and go to the toilet on his own. They will teach you how to dress in the garden. But if you made a decision (and it’s good that you made it), then be consistent: do not cry with your child in the locker room. And mothers can also be recommended to walk with their child next to the kindergarten; talk about how interesting and cool it is there; get to know the teachers in advance; play at home in kindergarten, read books on the same topic.

Elena Trushina, clinical psychologist. In my opinion, many mothers are overly gullible. They trust the kindergarten, the teachers and act according to the principle: “They work there, they were taught this, so they know better.” Still, it’s better to be a little far-sighted. The general recommendation is to get to know the teacher better, to establish friendly relations. There are a lot of advantages in this, although it requires some effort from the mother: the ability to detect “oddities”; a benevolent attitude will be transferred to the child, the child himself will more easily accept the teacher in his circle.

Natalia Maksimova, child psychologist. Since in the coming years the child’s daily regimen, nutrition, social environment and place of stay will change, it is necessary to prepare him for this in all respects. Much has been said about the daily routine and nutrition, and I will go straight to the third point – the social environment. Try to communicate more often with younger friends-relatives, especially if they go to kindergarten. Work with the motivation of the child, interest him. Some parents say this: “Dad / mom go to work every day, and the children have a job – kindergarten.” Tell him that a wonderful company is waiting for him in the garden for games. You can try to start your stay in the garden with walks with the group that the child will go to. Perhaps he himself will want to stay for lunch, and then for sleep. But the main thing: do not make a problem out of the garden!