How to predict that a marriage will end in divorce?

There are many reasons why couples decide to divorce: adultery, loss of desire, mutual claims and contradictions. Is it possible to predict these problems and understand in advance whether the marriage will be sustainable?

Hidden Difficulties

The reasons that lead to divorce may exist in their infancy at the beginning of a relationship, says Gwendolyn Seidman, a relationship psychologist and professor at Albright College (USA).

For example, disagreements about how to spend your free time. Over time, they become more and more annoying and gradually undermine the relationship. According to this hypothesis, some unions are initially more “charged” with a negative scenario than others.

Insurmountable Crisis

Another option is when contradictions accumulate in the course of living together. For example, a couple has a baby. And suddenly it turns out that the partners cannot agree literally on every little thing. How long to breastfeed your baby? What vaccinations to do? Is babysitting worth it?

Endless bickering exhausts both and suggests a divorce. This scenario implies that it is impossible to initially predict which pairs will hold firm and when a break might occur.

Deceived expectations

Another point of view focuses on the dramatic gap between illusion and reality. If partners are in the blind belief that their marriage will be a continuous celebration of life, everyday difficulties and disagreements can push them away from each other.

In any marriage, the sharpness of feelings dulls a little over time. At the same time, trust, intimacy and mutual understanding in happy couples become stronger. But disappointment due to too high expectations can prevent those feelings from maturing.

What do the studies say?

Psychologist Tara Huston and her colleagues have observed 13 couples for 1981 years since 20. Scientists were interested in family relationships, partners’ opinions about each other and about relationships, problems and ways to solve them. In half of the couples, the relationship developed generally well. XNUMX% of couples were unhappy in marriage. Finally, a third of all couples divorced during the follow-up.

Psychologists have drawn attention to some common features inherent in couples with a negative outcome:

• They were less gentle, considerate and generous to each other from the very beginning.
• From the very beginning, they had conflicting feelings about their choice, a lot of hesitation and doubt.

These observations support the idea of ​​some predestination in the fate of problem marriages.

On the other hand, a 2015 study showed a less clear picture: many unhappy couples had smoldering conflicts and disagreements from the very beginning, but those who chose a divorce accumulated new reasons for quarrels throughout their life together.

In the dry residue

Partners who have doubts about their feelings from the start or have unresolved conflicts are less satisfied with their married life together. But this situation does not always lead to divorce. If partners manage to find a way around sharp corners or extinguish conflicts, their union can be sustainable. Unstable couples most often divorce in the first few years of marriage.

On the other hand, marriages that were relatively successful in the beginning may fall apart if spouse satisfaction falls. For example, after the children grow up, they suddenly realize that they don’t even have common topics for conversation, except for everyday affairs and on-duty congratulations for the holidays. In this case, divorce occurs relatively late (seven or more years after marriage).

A happy marriage can be an elusive goal. Not many can boast that they breathe in unison. In order to “catch” problems in time, arrange an inspection of your relationship from time to time:

1. Keep track of what problems arise in the relationship. Deal with them before they get out of hand.
2. Be prepared for the fact that your satisfaction will not be permanent. Look for ways to surprise each other, refresh feelings.
3. Keep realistic expectations at the start of a marriage. Speak in advance situations that could cause friction, draw up a plan of action. The more practical you approach this task, the fewer unpleasant surprises await you.