How to persuade a loved one to see a doctor

Veronica, 27 years old

“My mother is extremely difficult to persuade even to take tests. And if it comes to some more “weighty” procedures, then mutual understanding cannot be achieved at all. A couple of years ago, my mother was diagnosed with hypertension, a disease at her age is quite common. Since then, the mother’s condition has been slowly but surely deteriorating: the readings on the tonometer are getting higher and higher. We agreed many times that she would go to the therapist a week later, after the holidays, on the following Monday. But day X never comes. I write her to the doctor, I remind her in a few days, but so far I can’t even make a diagnosis.”

So what are we afraid of when we sabotage treatment or fail to take recommended tests? In our sociocultural environment, there has long been a belief that illness is associated with a manifestation of weakness, and taking care of one’s health is excessive anxiety “from nothing to do,” says medical psychologist Olga Fidrya. Hence the desire to «endure». Even with the appearance of signs of ill health and “signals” from the body, I want to believe that everything will pass soon. No less common is the opinion that treatment and examination is expensive and time consuming.

Two poles of fear

There are phobias associated with the fear of any procedures. Some of us are afraid that during the delivery of tests (for example, blood) they will become ill. But besides such beliefs (often false), there are more serious conditions called “hypochondria” and “anosognosia”. These are two poles of attitude to your health.

Hypochondria is usually associated with an exaggerated attention to one’s health. Such behavior leads to a suspicious “discovery” of signs of several diseases at once and an active need for examination. However, sometimes hypochondria against the background of increased anxiety includes «magical thinking»: we do not take tests because we are afraid to find out the diagnosis.

The psychologist notes that this is how the avoidance strategy manifests itself, and it can lead to irreparable mistakes: time will be lost.

Anosognosia is the opposite of hypochondria. With it, we tend to underestimate or deny the manifestations of the disease. In this state, it seems that nothing bad can happen to us. For this reason, some of us put off going to the doctor, convinced that the problem will «solve itself.»

What excuses do we find?

Even if hypochondria or anosognosia have bypassed us, we can come up with numerous excuses and avoid communicating with the doctor. “Such justifications are called rationalizations. At first glance, we come up with quite reasonable reasons that allow us to postpone going to the doctor indefinitely,” Olga Fidrya explains. What could it be? We list just a few: 

• The weather today is bad;

• I have a lot of work (or household chores);

• lack of funds for medicines;

• no time for examinations;

• I will make an appointment with the doctor after the holidays;

• I’m definitely going next week.

How to tune in to a serious health assessment?

STEP 1. Determine the cause

You can suspect hypochondria if your health has recently caused you severe anxiety or fear without visible symptoms. At the same time, tests and examinations did not confirm any of the several suspected diagnoses. Signs of anosognosia can be identified by comparing yourself with others. Ask yourself if anyone you know goes to work with a blood pressure of 180/120? And would you advise to go to the doctor or take sick leave to another person with your diagnosis? If we notice signs of hypochondria or anosognosia in ourselves, then we should not try to cope with these diagnoses on our own, it is better to contact a psychologist.

STEP 2. Be consistent

If your situation is not so serious, follow a few recommendations from a psychologist:

• find positive motivation: imagine the positive sensations of completing a long-delayed task of taking care of yourself;

• make your relationship with health more organized: follow the recommendations of the Ministry of Health and WHO for your age and gender on passing the necessary examinations;

• take the opportunity to undergo a free medical examination (at the same time save on tests).

Try to treat inspections the same way you would a car inspection: the most reasonable thing is to go through it regularly, without waiting until something breaks. The position “until the problems manifest themselves, it’s better not to touch anything” usually ends with the disease being neglected. In this case, we may be required to invest much more money and time, and sometimes the replacement of «spare parts». But unlike a car, we cannot buy a new organism, and we should not forget about this.