Contents
How to overcome the fear of being hurt
Couple
Suffering is inevitable because we are not perfect, but the way to face it and the attitude does depend on us
“If we have fear of being hurt it is because we were injured in the past ”, reveals the psychologist Gema Sánchez Cuevas, who clarifies that although this fear is something totally normal if we were disappointed or suffered a lot in a previous relationship, the problem can come if we cling to it. “If this happens, we impose barriers to our right to love and be loved,” he emphasizes.
For this reason, to overcome this fear, the expert invites us to reflect on those things that we are afraid of beyond that “to be hurt.” Perhaps it is because they abandon us, as the psychologist proposes, or that this makes us suffer. In this sense, he clarifies that suffering is inevitable because we are not perfect and that each of us carries the weight of his life story. «The important thing is the attitude we take to face it and for this it is essential love yourself“, advise.
Another key point in this type of situation is manage emotions and express to the partner how we feel. “We have to talk about what worries us, so that the other can understand us because, otherwise, the only thing we will do is put distance between the two,” he clarifies.
In addition, we cannot forget, as Sánchez Cuevas proposes, is that No two people are alike and that judging a person based on the experience we have had with another is not fair to that person, not to us, or to the relationship. “You have to put an end to the past,” sentence.
In his opinion, loving is taking risks and living with the possibility of losing, but it is also betting on it if we consider it worthwhile.
Should I tell my partner about my fears?
Communicating fears and fears is not something that should be done lightly because, as the psychologist suggests, we must look for the right moment, the one in which we are both calm and have the necessary time to explain ourselves well and clarify doubts. “Here the rush is not worth it,” he adds.
Once we have started the conversation, it is essential to open up to the other with sincerity. “We can start by explaining what worries us, what are the consequences or effects it has on us and finally tell him how we feel. In this way we will make it easier for you to understand us. Even if we want to express to him what he can do to help us, we can also, but not from demand but as a possibility ”, argues Gema Sánchez Cuevas.
During the conversation, make sure that both of you understand what is happening, as the message that is sent is not always the one that is received. «You have to make sure you check it and also check what part of responsibility each one has what is happening and how they can do their part, “he explains.
Another of his advice to approach this encounter is that the couple should speak to each other from the calm and avoid becoming defensive or resorting to criticism or attacks towards the other person, since at the moment in which this occurs the channels it will be harmed.
Finally, even if we are the ones who talk about feelings, listen to the other it is also important. “We have to be available psychologically, in this way we can know what he thinks and how he feels when listening to what we are telling him,” he reveals.
The next step will be to think what can each one do so that the situation improves. «Here any idea is valid, even those that may seem crazy. In this way, those that are considered most appropriate can then be selected to be negotiated in common and put into operation and check whether they work or not, ”advises Gema Sánchez Cuevas.
In short, when something worries us, it is best that we speak it, instead of silencing it and letting time pass. Thus, the necessary ingredients to improve what is not working are the desire to solve it, the effort, the commitment and a flexible attitude on the part of both. Although one may think that they are very general ingredients, the truth is that the psychologist affirms that, without them, it becomes difficult to resolve any conflict or situation.