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How to overcome the distance with loved ones
It is important to relativize the situation and use everything at our disposal to keep in touch with our friends and family
Missing is a melancholic, sad, almost poetic act. To miss is to give way to longing and plunge into that of “any past time was better.” Now that we are all locked at home without being able to leave, missing is going to become a habit with which we will have to learn to live.
We live in an extraordinary situation that has come so fast that we are still assuming it. And, being separated without prior notice from those we love can be difficult to manage. «When we are far from those we want, in a situation like this, in general sadness is the predominant feeling, but it may be difficult for us to identify it “, says the psychologist at the TAP Victoria Jariego Cordero Center. This happens because we can also feel irritated and irascible, which makes the sadness camouflage itself and we manage what we feel as anger.
Dafne Cataluña, founder of the European Institute of Positive Psychology (IEPP), says that it is possible that the first thing we feel is nostalgia, although this will only happen if the relationship we have with the person we miss is positive. Sadness, in the end, is missing something that we feel we are losing. Even so, he warns that, in exceptional cases like the one we are living now, we may even feel anxiety, at worry about the well-being of the people we love and with which we cannot be. “We tend to anticipate the events, always towards a negative side, and this ends up generating unpleasant emotions,” says the professional.
The digital link
But, although we have to go through quarantine alone, or far from those we love the most, thanks to new technologies we can continue to maintain extraordinary bonds with our friends, family and partners. «We can be in contact through calls and even video calls, which bring us closer to reality: we see how people are, we can do things with them, “explains the TAP center psychologist. It also stresses the importance of exchanging messages, talking about what movies or books we read; share experiences and even talk about whether we feel overwhelmed or distressed by the current situation.
Dafne Catalunya warns that we must bear in mind that many times we care much more than necessary for others, we have leftover empathy, which ends up making us suffer more than the people we care about. “This is not the time to add unnecessary negative emotions to our lives,” he says.
Three tricks of positive psychology for quarantine
Dafne Cataluña, founder of the IEPP, gives us three keys to positive psychology to be able to better cope with the distance with our loved ones:
1. ACCEPTANCE: We must assume that the situation It is what it is. It is not in our power to change it, then thinking that things are not fair, or feeling frustrated by things that we can not do anything about is counterproductive. We must identify these thoughts and do not let them run freely through our heads, since all they do is worry us.
2. POSITIVITY: It is important to think that this is temporary: it will have a beginning and an end. It is true that we do not know when it will be, but it will. Must look for alternatives to make up for the lack of contact with our loved ones.
3. SINCERITY: It is important not lie, open ourselves to others so that they know how we are, and explain it in a constructive way, so that they know that we also feel alone. We also need to receive affection.
It’s important to put the positive side of this situation in perspective, as it can even help strengthen our personal relationships. “When everything is over, a relationship can be strengthened. If we make calls, we make an effort to be more attentive, all of this has a positive consequence, “says Victoria Jariego Cordero, although she also warns that if we close ourselves off and do not see for others, certain relationships may cool down.
“A situation like this can help us to see things in perspective; we are not comfortable with a person, we don’t feel like we want to see her again, and this can help us to realize this », explains Jariego Cordero, who adds that this loneliness can help us to connect with ourselves and to recognize if what we have in our day to day is something that makes us feel good or not.
«The most important thing is to see a benefit in all this: we can use all the resources at our disposal if keeping the people we love close makes us feel better, supported and that there are people who care about us “, concludes the professional.