How to observe mourning: order, traditions and beliefs

My dear readers, what a pity that our life is fleeting and can end at any moment, but we do not want to think about it. Especially if everything in life is going well and everyone around is healthy. And yet, what to do if such a day comes and how to observe mourning. How to survive the death of a loved one?

Orthodox funeral traditions

The word “mourning” came to us in the days of Peter the Great from the German language and means “sorrow”.

Alert

If someone dies in the family, it is necessary to notify all relatives, friends and acquaintances with the date and time of the funeral. It is advisable to notify nonresidents by telegrams – this will make it easier for them to come faster and say goodbye to the deceased.

If the recipient of the telegram is able to come, then you should inform about it. And if it is not possible to attend the funeral, then you should immediately send your condolences in the form of a telegram to the relatives of the deceased.

A person who is not able to attend the funeral can send a basket or a bouquet of flowers with a card of written condolences.

It is accepted that all friends and acquaintances come to the funeral without receiving a special invitation, because, with such a deep grief, it is easy to forget about someone.

Good manners require that upon receiving news of the death of a person with whom they were in a quarrel, it is necessary to appear at the funeral in order to show that death has interrupted all enmities, and they do not continue beyond the grave.

How to dress properly for a funeral

How to mourn: clothing. The most appropriate look for a man at a funeral is a black suit with a light or dark shirt and a muted tie. The suit can be not only black, but also in other dark colors. A shirt under a jacket can be replaced with a turtleneck.

The classic funeral dress for women is a black suit, trouser or with a skirt. Pants should not be tight, and the skirt should not be above the knee. Suitable clothing would be a black dress with a strict and simple cut.

A skirt with a dark sweater, blouse or turtleneck will do. All items of clothing must be covered. Festive decorations, glitter, and colorful funeral décor look obscene.

It is advisable to wear a black shawl, hat or scarf on your head. This is important if you will be attending the funeral service that will take place in the temple. If you take children to the cemetery, then their outfit should also be made in dark colors.

Flowers for the funeral – what?

Since ancient times, flowers, decorated in the form of a wreath, symbolized the cycle, rebirth and immortality of the soul. Today, artificial wreaths are the most convenient option, they are more durable.

But nothing can visually replace the depth of feelings that fresh flowers evoke. The variety of flowers has its own hidden meaning. If there are scarlet roses in the wreath, it symbolizes long life and heroic death.

Violets, lilies, feces and white roses in wreaths are laid on the graves of young people and children. They mean purity and morality. And compositions of evergreen plants mean hope for eternal life and undying love of those close to the deceased.

1. Funeral bouquets don’t have to be flashy. A funeral is not a holiday, but a day of mourning. Therefore, it is worth bringing strict bouquets, thus emphasizing the solemnity of farewell.
2. At a funeral, bouquets containing more than 2-3 shades are undesirable, since the variegation does not correspond to the sad atmosphere of the funeral.
3. When choosing the type of flowers and their color, it is better to prefer flowers of simple and dark tones, additionally taking into account the gender, age of the deceased.
4. At the funeral of a very close person, you can bring those flowers that he loved most during his lifetime.
5. Flowers are placed on a coffin or grave without a wrapper.

How to behave in a house with the deceased

• in the house where the deceased is, you should not talk loudly. Silence shows much more our participation than loud expressions of condolences;
• during a condolence visit, it is not customary to discuss issues not related to death and work problems, let alone tell funny stories;
• The loved ones of the deceased should close all mirrors. It is believed that the mirror is an otherworldly portal in which the soul of the deceased who is at that moment in the house can get lost. There is a more sensible explanation for this: you should close the mirrors only so that it does not distract anyone;
• besides, there is little pleasant when the coffin with the deceased is reflected in the mirror;
• being in the house with the deceased, it is necessary to remove all jewelry from him. If the deceased was a believer, then a pectoral cross should be put on his neck;
• relatives of the deceased should wash his body only during daylight hours;
• the water, which was washed, must be poured into a specially dug hole in the place where people do not walk, crossing that place. This water must not be emptied from the toilet!

Beliefs:

• you should not put a glass of water (or vodka) covered with a piece of bread near the portrait of the deceased. According to the belief, the soul of the deceased will never come to this glass, but only demons will come;
• while the deceased is in the house, there is no need to arrange a wash. This is considered bad luck. Also, you should not allow someone to sit on the bed of the deceased while the coffin is with him in the house;
• if someone is afraid to be in the house with the deceased, he should overcome his fear by grasping the legs of the deceased for a while;
• when the deceased is in the apartment, sharp metal objects must not be used until the funeral. These are: knives, needles, blades. You cannot keep them in an open place;
• while the deceased is in the house, a cup of water should be placed on the windowsill (for “washing the soul”);
• the coffin with the deceased, as well as the lid from the coffin, cannot be carried to the loved ones of the deceased;
• do not allow to put flowers in the coffin to the body of the deceased. Then these flowers are thrown onto the road along which the funeral procession is going. It is a ritual for the transfer of disease from the dead to the living;
• you cannot pick these flowers, step on them, and even more so bring them into the house. This can provoke another grief in the family;
• you cannot look out the window at the deceased;
• when the lid of a coffin is hammered, it is necessary to ensure that the shadow of a living person does not “fall into the coffin”;
• everyone knows that the earth taken after the funeral from the cemetery for sealing cannot be brought into the house and left in the entrance. Otherwise, the person is considered sealed. And the entrance too. This will lead to diseases of the people living in this entrance;
• during the memorial week, you cannot take sweets, cookies, eggs from the graves. They are intended for the deceased, they cannot be eaten;
• remember: nothing can be taken from the cemetery! Including handkerchiefs and towels that are removed from the cross or wreaths.

Funeral procession

According to church rules, a cross or an icon of the Savior is carried in front of the funeral procession. Then they carry banners (church banners), behind them the lid of the coffin. Behind the lid is a priest with a censer and a candle.

Then they carry the coffin with the deceased, relatives and friends follow the coffin. Behind them are the other participants in the funeral with flowers and wreaths. In cold weather, participants in the procession may wear headdresses. The person participating in the funeral procession and during the procession must maintain serious dignity.

Mourning for relatives

The deepest mourning, which lasts one year, is observed by a widow. She wears mostly black clothes, does not wear any jewelry or jewelry. During this period, she does not visit places of entertainment and does not have the right to marry.

By refusing to wear clothes and getting married soon, the widow shows respect for the feelings of the parents and relatives of her late husband.

A widower man observes mourning for six months. Children, for their deceased parents, wear mourning for a year, gradually moving from black clothes to clothes that are several shades lighter.

Mourning is observed for a grandmother or grandfather for six months. The same period of mourning is set for a deceased sister or brother. And for the uncle and aunt – three months.

During mourning, you should not tell others about your boundless grief. The whole point of mourning lies not only in mourning clothes, but also in observing a worthy state of mind of a person.

How to observe mourning? At this time, a person is in deep thought about himself, his loved ones and thinks about the meaning of life. The things that are prohibited in mourning include: clothes of bright colors, made of silk fabrics, any jewelry, be it of gold or silver. The use of perfume is excluded.

Thanksgiving

Men must come to the commemoration without a headdress. Women, on the other hand, need to have some kind of headscarf to cover their heads.

All relatives and friends who were at the cemetery can come to the first commemoration on the day of burial. For 9 days after the death of the deceased, only relatives, friends and relatives of the deceased come.

You cannot come without an invitation to the commemoration of the deceased. You can come to express your condolences. But you should not rush to sit down with the rest of the guests at the table unless you are invited to share a memorial meal. It is also not permitted to occupy the place where the deceased once sat.

Anyone who wants to commemorate the deceased can come for 40 days. Before you sit down at the table, you must read the “Our Father” or the 90th Psalm. During the funeral meal, you need to honor the memory of the deceased.

The funeral meal begins with the serving of kutya. Kutia should be consecrated at the funeral service or sprinkled with holy water, and everyone present at the commemoration must taste it. Kutya seeds personify the immortality of the human soul.

At the memorial meal, as a rule, only simple, traditional food is allowed. Including special memorial dishes: jelly, cabbage soup or fish soup, pancakes and kutia. At the same time, a glass of vodka covered with a piece of bread is not allowed.

Alcoholic drinks are optional. Wake can be held not only in the house of the deceased. Carrying out a memorial service in a cafe does not contradict Orthodox foundations.

Days of special commemoration of the deceased

Until the 40th day, the deceased is called the newly departed. The commemoration of the newly departed at first after death is important and necessary. Especially because it makes it easier for the soul of the deceased to make such a difficult transition from temporary to eternal life. Helps to pass the so-called ordeals.

Special days of remembrance of the newly departed: the third, ninth and fortieth (in this case, the day of death is considered the first).

The soul that remains after the death of a living earthly organism consists of several parts. According to the modern classification, they are called conditionally: etheric, astral and mental bodies. These bodies decay on days 3, 9 and 40.

According to Orthodoxy, up to 3 days the soul of the deceased is close to family and home. On these days, the closest relatives gather to commemorate the deceased with prayer.

If the deceased was baptized, the magpie should be ordered – a commemoration at 40 liturgies. Be sure to visit the church on the 9th and 40th days from the day of death and serve a requiem. Pray daily for the repose of the soul.

In memory of the deceased one should perform good deeds, give alms to all those who ask. There is also a custom to commemorate the deceased on every death anniversary, on the birthday and on the day of the Angel.

Father Dmitry Smirnov how to observe mourning: funeral

How to observe mourning: Orthodox funerals

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