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What to do if you suddenly found out about the infidelity of a husband or boyfriend of a friend? Tell the truth or keep a secret? Together with a relationship expert, we figure out what to think about before making an important decision.
First, let’s define what is considered infidelity. Cheating can be physical or emotional. “The relationship can be damaged by both. In both cases, it is as if the cheater is wasting a resource reserved for the loved one elsewhere,” explains counseling psychologist David Bennett.
In this case, two types of infidelity are often combined in one. If you’re going to tell the truth to a cheated girlfriend, remember that any kind of infidelity is important.
What if you are friends with both?
Making a decision will be difficult. “You have to be honest and neutral. First of all, it is better to talk to the person you suspect of infidelity and clarify the situation, ”says Bennett. Tactfully talk about suspicions, explain why it bothers you.
Then listen. Perhaps you know a small part of what is happening or misunderstood. If suspicions are confirmed, you can try to convince the person to talk to their partner so that they can heal the relationship together or break up before things go too far.
Casting suspicion on a friend you think is being cheated on can trigger drama that will have more serious and sadder consequences. As a result, you risk losing friends, not just those whose relationships have been interfered with. But, if you are friends with a girl more closely and you have a strong and trusting relationship, the truth may be appropriate and friendship will not suffer from this.
What to do if a girlfriend is happy with a partner?
It’s worth stopping and thinking. “A friend can make up with a partner and forgive him everything,” says Bennett. “After that, they will blame you for unpleasant feelings – the person who pulled the truth into the light of day.”
Another nuance: if she forgives her husband, it will be uncomfortable for them to communicate with a person who knows everything and has brought discord into their lives. It is quite possible that this friendship will end.
How to decide whether to be silent or speak?
“Stories like this need to be tampered with,” Bennett explains. – People often do not believe that a partner is cheating on them, even if the evidence is in front of their eyes. And in the end, they begin to blame not the partner, but you. Many become ashamed of the fact that they were cheated on, and in this situation, it will also be you who are to blame.
Of course, the decision is up to you, it depends a lot on the situation. It’s often best to talk to the cheater first, rather than dumping the information on an unsuspecting person.
If you decide to tell the truth, try to show understanding and not speak nasty things about the “traitor”, no matter how much you want. If the girlfriend can build a relationship with him, your neutral attitude leaves a chance for the friendship to last.