Small troubles get on your nerves and take away energy. Just giving up will not work, otherwise they can grow into big problems. You can change your attitude towards them with the help of the technique offered by psychotherapist Jonathan Robinson.
If your life is like mine, every week brings new challenges. Basically nothing serious, on trifles. It turns out that it is necessary to change the car muffler, the back begins to ache again. Sometimes things don’t work out the way you want, but you need to learn how to deal with minor troubles without losing your composure.
They say that no matter what happens, you have to stay positive. It sounds good, but for real life, full of fuss and stress, it is impossible. I wish I could learn how to turn off thoughts that unsettle me with one click. It is also not an easy task. Fortunately, there is such a method — simple and effective, so it works even for lazy people like me. It’s called «Look for the good in everything.»
A couple of years ago, I gave a lecture on how everything that is depressing at first can turn out to be better. During the break, a student came up and said that he had something for me in the car. While he was digging in the cabin, I gradually began to boil, because I was losing precious time. Whenever he tried to escape to the audience, he exclaimed: “Wait! I think I found it.» But, alas, not that. In the end, I got tired of it, I turned around and left. As soon as I opened the door, about a hundred people chanted «Surprise!» Yesterday was my birthday, and almost all my friends gathered to give me a party.
All growth begins with us facing challenges and turning them into opportunities.
It was a very instructive experience: just now I was talking with might and main about how to consider the positive in the vicissitudes of fate, and I myself was mediocrely pierced. The main thing that dawned on me was that in order to remain calm in difficult circumstances, one must invent a clear technique.
The idea is cool, but when you’re up to your neck, it doesn’t get any easier. As a result, I started experimenting with different methods. Most of them failed, but one passed the test of strength. When bad things happen, I ask myself, «What’s good about that?» Even if I do not believe in a successful outcome, at least two valuable conclusions can always be drawn from each problem. Difficulties teach compassion, patience, humility and faith.
«What is so good about it?» is an extremely useful question. It not only distracts from gloomy thoughts, but also helps to discover hidden benefits. All growth, personal or professional, begins with facing challenges and turning them into opportunities. When the question is asked sincerely, it turns out to quickly come to life. You don’t have to give exact answers. To calm down, it is enough to come up with several favorable scenarios for the development of events. When something upsets us, we see nothing but an unfortunate surprise around us, and we lose the ability to reason.
Imagine that on the page in front of you is a black spot the size of a small coin. If you focus on it, only blackness will be visible. A person who looks from this angle quite rightly declares: «I see a black hole and no gap.» If you ask what is good in this or that situation, the point of view is shifted. You tear yourself away from the black spot and see the entire page. Even if it seems that there is not a drop of use to be made from the problem, the eye is no longer fixed on the black hole.
Peace of mind comes with the understanding that any hopelessness is only a small part of the life picture. It is worth stepping back a meter, and a spot the size of a coin is no longer so noticeable, and from the other end of the room it cannot be seen.
The best way to check how a method works is to try it. Life will throw up a couple of favorable cases. Let’s say one day you come home and find out that the neighbors have got a dog that has a bad habit of barking with or without reason. After listening to her tearing herself up for two hours, catch yourself wanting to strangle her. Instead, ask yourself, «What’s good about that?» At first, he is drawn to yelling: “Nothing!”
Trying to find the good in everything, we calm down and better cope with troubles.
As you know, this will not help, so you have to strain your brains and come up with two ways out. For example, talk to neighbors and find a solution. You grudgingly admit that you are forced to assert your rights and stand up for yourself, which is usually difficult. Now that thoughts are not chained to the «black hole», you clearly see that this situation can be used to overcome your weaknesses. In addition to turning a nuisance into an opportunity for personal growth with a simple question, you felt some relief.
When you are upset about something, it is not surprising to forget that you need to look for the benefit in everything. In addition, even if you remember this, it is difficult to find two successful options at once. Probably everyone notices that some part of us resists the positive. But the habit of sprinkling ashes on your head, groaning: “Why am I so sad?!” Does not bring joy and takes away energy.
Trying to find at least something good in everything, we calm down and cope better with small troubles. Once the method becomes a habitual response to adversity, there is confidence that any problem can be turned into an opportunity for growth. The one who always manages to find glimpses of light in the clouds can be considered a happy person.
Source: awaken.com