Everyone has days when even the simplest action seems impossible and requires too much effort. We share recommendations on how to find strength and motivation in yourself when it seems that they are completely gone.
Karen had a non-work day, she felt overwhelmed and completely exhausted. You will remember those days, the only thing you want to do is crawl back into bed.
Karen is a busy, ambitious single mother. As much as she would like to finish everything early and rest, she still has to cook dinner and read to the children before bed. Sometimes it’s hard to find the strength to do so. And some duties and tasks are so unpleasant that it is difficult to find motivation for their implementation in principle.
Pay attention to your thoughts
We plunge into the abyss of self-flagellation and procrastination. When we are unproductive, it is easy to slip into endless self-criticism. Karen herself does not notice how she begins to think how lazy and stupid she is. “I’m a terrible mother who doesn’t even have the energy to cook a normal meal and read to the children before bed,” she thinks.
Thoughts like these lead us into a vicious cycle: a lack of motivation leads us to berate ourselves for procrastinating, and as a result, we feel even worse.
Scolding ourselves, we do not increase our motivation. Often it seems to us that it is worth being tougher on ourselves — so we will be able to do more. When we fail to live up to expectations (ours or someone else’s), we usually begin to blame ourselves and slip into self-criticism.
Being tough on yourself doesn’t add energy.
But where to start is with compassion for yourself. Stop and admit that you have to overcome many difficulties. Whether you’re depressed or just having a bad day, the pain you’re experiencing is real.
We feel overwhelmed, overwhelmed, or lethargic from time to time. Be kind to yourself, as you would be kind to a friend who is going through a difficult period in life. Recognize that it’s normal to feel tired, overwhelmed, or lethargic sometimes, and that your worth as a person is not just about being productive.
Most people are afraid they won’t get anywhere if they’re too soft on themselves. However, accepting yourself is not the same as feeling sorry or digging into your problems. By showing self-compassion and acknowledging the fatigue you are experiencing, you can free yourself from the flood of negative self-suggestions that contribute to unproductiveness.
Be kind to yourself
In a state of apathy, do not criticize yourself, but be kind to yourself. Self-compassion will motivate you. After all, a joyful, happy state increases efficiency. Yet most of us are motivated by action, not the other way around. Therefore, you should not sit and wait for the desire to do something to wake up, force yourself to start.
What did Karen do? After a hard day, she wanted to collapse on the sofa in front of the TV. She scolded herself for what a bad mother she was for ordering fast food delivery so often instead of preparing a full dinner.
From the fact that she scolded herself, the desire to cook did not appear, she only felt shame and her own “inferiority”
For starters, Karen needed to replace self-flagellation with self-compassion. She started telling herself things like, “I’m not lazy. I work full time and have two kids. It is hard work. It’s okay if I order pizza sometimes. It doesn’t make me a bad mother.»
She admitted that she came home from work tired and exhausted and needed a good rest. Now, when she comes home, the first thing she does is take a hot shower and after that she devotes 10 minutes to meditation.
Karen gradually moved towards her goal — to cook a healthy dinner every day. For starters, limited to salad. Over time, I began to cook more and more, and in those days when this was not possible, I did not blame and did not shame myself for it.
The takeaway is that to motivate yourself, start with self-compassion and gradually move towards your goal.
About the author: Sharon Martin is a psychotherapist.